The so called blogging experts tell me that I am doing this wrong. I don’t spend enough time working on my headlines or try hard enough to fill my posts with the perfect mix of SEO laden content. I post too frequently and don’t focus on any one topic.
The words you read here are filled too frequently with the sad, simpering sounds of unhappiness and people don’t like that. Nor do they like it when I fill my screen with kind of light-hearted goofy insouciance that makes some people guffaw and others grumble. I am not supposed to write about religion because I offend too many people when I say Happy Holidays or pepper my posts with Jewish jargon.
And let’s not forget that the political posts that populated this place infuriated so many. The blogging experts didn’t like that. Hated when I excoriated Palin and asked how I could support Bush. Railed at me for saying that Obama’s foreign policy made me crazy and asked how I could praise him for popping Bin Laden.
No can we forget the wacky people who wander in and try to post 1,987 comments accusing me of barbarism for supporting circumcision. Did I mention that I was called juvenile for telling them that foreskin doesn’t protect the penis from an errant tooth.
If you have made it this far than it is probably clear to you that I am a cranky, crotchety curmudgeon who might be in need of a vacation. Actually I just threw in cranky, crotchety curmudgeon because I like the sound of it. Blame it on the Lewis Black bit I am listening to right now. It is one of my favorites.
*******
Sometimes I step away from the blogosphere because the noise begins to grate on me. It is the sound of 1,987,748 posts about how to be a better blogger, 392,283,322 about PR, 567,789 on how to use blogs for SMBs and of course a billion on children. The problem is that sometimes it feels to me like all I hear is broadcasting- there is no back and forth.
And sometimes when there is the back and forth between blogger and community it is nothing but inside jokes. That is cool. I get it, understand it and appreciate it but sometimes I still feel like I am on the outside looking in.
So I step back and disconnect. I take a deep breath and look around the world. I am no different than most of you. My life is moving a million miles a minute and in order to maintain my sanity I just need to slow down and breathe.
*******
Yesterday I saw something that has stuck with me. I walked out of the Target on Sepulveda and saw a man lying on his back. Another man stood over him waving his arms wildly and yelling, but I don’t know what he was saying. The six lanes of traffic between us drowned out his words and made it impossible for me to tell if he was happy, sad or angry.
He looked like he had been on the street for a while as did the man who lay just in front of him. I was in a rush but for a moment I stared hard at the man who was on his back and tried to determine if he was ok.
I watched three kids walk by him and measured their reactions. They didn’t react in any way other than to walk around him. I decided that the guy who lay on the sidewalk was ok and that this was simply where he had chosen to rest. It wouldn’t be the first time that the sidewalk had been used like that and probably not the last.
So I got in my car and drove off to take care of other errands. But all night long and most of today I have felt conflicted about it. Have I grown so accustomed to seeing homeless people that I no longer am shocked or disturbed by it. And I wondered if maybe the man who was standing was yelling “Help Me.”
*******
My daughter asked me what I thought our lives would be like when I turn 50 and I laughed. I said “different” and she asked for a better description. It is a solid eight years away which in some respects is far too close for comfort. I am not nearly old enough to think of 50 as being anything but old. Yet I realize that it doesn’t sound as old it used to.
She looked up at me expectantly and I told her that when I am 50 her brother will be in college and she’ll be a high school girl. She smiled broadly and I asked her to stop growing up so quickly. She smiled again and said “even when I am big I’ll still be daddy’s girl.”
All I could do was hug her and smile. The little things in life sometimes have the biggest impact.
@courtcan We all have to find what works for us. If I self edit too heavily I produce lifeless drek that isn’t worth reading.
@TheJackB “Fire and fury.” Jack, that’s exactly it! Back when I was just blogging for myself, writing whatever wanted to write, I got mad about stuff! I got passionate! I said ridiculous things with great zest and gumption!
Now, blogging for my readers, I think about them with every word I write. That’s not a bad thing — after all, I do need to consider my audience. But I think I’ve swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction. I’ve become too careful and too precise. I’m self-editing to my own detriment.
I need to remember the fire and the fury — and then just write the damn post.
Thanks, Jack. : )
@mizzmeggs I think that at one time or another many of us get caught up in the numbers game. I won’t say that it hasn’t ever happened to me because it has. But reality kicked back in and I stopped worrying about it.
Ultimately I have found it more rewarding to write as I do and let the chips fall where they may. You tend to find the people that are most interested in your words/work that way and are able to develop deeper relationships.
My latest conversation: http://www.thejackb.com/2011/07/22/weekend-reading-2/
@Superdaddykw Hi Kevin, it is good to hear from you. It sounds to me like you have a good plan for your blog. I am a big fan and advocate of writing with passion about the things that interest us. It is good for the content, good for us and in my opinion good for the readers.
I look forward to seeing what you do with yours..
I say go forward full steam ahead.
My latest conversation: http://www.thejackb.com/2011/07/22/weekend-reading-2/
That’s supposed to say know NOT everyone is caught up. Oops. =P @mizzmeggs
This is a really great post. I blog about recovery after trauma and childhood sexual abuse. When I first started blogging, there were some people I connected with who had gotten “famous” within the CSA community who had gone from being genuine, caring people with great content to turning into these numbers game scary money-chasing fools who ended up taking serious advantage of my willingness to work my butt off to help survivors. Their blogs and sites started turning into commercials and their content started to suck. If I ever turn into that person who is so worried about SEO (I seriously just had to Google that to even know what you’re talking about) that I lose my humanity… I hope someone will grab me by the lapels and tell me to wake up. I’m glad I found your blog. I’ve enjoyed the posts I’ve read so far. I’d much rather read a blog with passion and heart than a blog that’s become a giant shell of what it used to be. I need soul. Period. I’d rather reach ten people who really get something out of what I have to say than a thousand people who show up to comment on my blog just to get return traffic. Thanks for sharing this. It’s good to know know everyone in the blogosphere is all caught up in the game.
Hey Jack, I understand what you’re talking about. When I first started out bloggin I wrote a few posts about religion and politics. I was told by a family member to stop because I could cause problems at Thanksgiving. But in the meantime, I am bombarded with their sermons on facebook.
Now my blog has a larger audience than just family and I’m left feeling empty and my blog being stale. In my latest post I wrote about how in the next few months my blog is going to change. It will no longer strictly be a daddy blog. I am done with that. I have a hell a lot more to say than what my kids are up to. I love them, but I spend all day with them. I really want to talk about something different. And if I happen to offend someone’s delicate sensibilities, so be it.
I’ve always admired you and your blog, because it isn’t a niche blog. It’s you and what is on your mind in a moment in time. Don’t stop doing what you’re doing.
Thanks for the inspiration.
@nottherox I am not surprised. I suppose that it is part of the “human condition,”
My latest conversation: http://www.thejackb.com/2011/07/22/weekend-reading-2/
“The so called blogging experts tell me that I am doing this wrong”.
Jack, I write poetry. Opportunities to monetize are few and far between but, even within that community those same so called experts reside…and it can get ugly.
@courtcan That is a great description of what is wrong with many bloggers- they allow their creativity and passion to be choked off so that they can follow “rules.”
Sometimes you have to ignore the experts and just write the damn post with the sort of fire and fury that you use to chase your dreams.
My latest conversation: http://www.thejackb.com/2011/07/22/weekend-reading-2/
@TheJackB Exactly! If I spent all my time worrying about what is “proper,” I’d never do any of the creative stuff!
I think often of the scene in the film “Far and Away,” in which Shannon (Nicole Kidman) has undone the buttons of her collar. Her fussy mother approaches and reaches for the buttons, saying, “Shannon! What is your collar doing?!”
Shannon replies, “It’s choking me!”
Worrying about what’s “proper” on my blog — *that* chokes me!
@courtcan Hmm, I thought that I had replied and just discovered that I didn’t so I am rectifying that.
Your second paragraph really resonates with me because that is the sort of stuff that fuels my fire, as I see that it does for you too. Just makes it all much more interesting than the constant focus on how to blog properly. 😉
@NinaBadzin Hi Nina. I have a longer answer for you that I’ll send via email. The short version though is that the best definition of a successful blog depends on the happiness of the blogger. If they are happy with it, they are successsful.
@TNTAnderson It is dynamite to see you here. I know, that it is a tired joke that someone has probably used more than once. I call upon fatherly privilege and my right to tell puns that make people groan.
i am not an expert on blogging but I know a few things about it. 1) Write about about whatever it is you are passionate about and you’ll have a greater chance of producing posts that pop. 2) If you don’t love it than you probably won’t last.
Those are my primary guidelines. Thank you for coming by and commenting. I hope to see you again.
Hey Jack–great discussion here (in the post AND the comments). I don’t pay attention to SEO, headlines, or any of that “stuff.” I also rarely read posts about them. The best way to turn off that noise is to do exactly what you mentioned here–turn away from it, ignore it. If what you’re doing is working why rethink it? I guess we all have our definitions of “working.” for me, knowing people read my posts means my blog “works.” I haven’t monetized or anything because then I think I WOULD have to pay attention to SEO and all that. Do you think it’s worth it to monetize? Has it been worth it? I suppose I wouldn’t mind a little extra change. Will you make sure to email the response to this (if you respond) so I see it??? thanks! Nina 🙂
JackB, what a powerful post. Personally, I enjoy blogging because I enjoy writing and sharing information. I don’t have the problems you do with comments because very few people read my blogs anyways. And I am OK with that…kind of.
I stay away from the political stuff because people are way too sensitive, opinionated, and ignorant about current events. The internet seems to be a place where people think they can just spout their beliefs without any thought of what and why they are saying it.
Please keep up the great work, and I will keep following and reading.
@mothereseblog Kristen, I always appreciate your visits. If you can’t write about what you love than how can you find passion. And without passion a blog is dried out husk of nothingness.
FWIW, you know more about blogging than you realize. You never lack for community and that is not something all bloggers can say.
Jack, this might be my favorite post of yours. I love the structure of it and also the message. I haven’t been in these parts as long as you have, but the same things frustrate me: the push to stay on one topic, the inside jokes, the talk of SEO. The reason I like your blog is you are true to yourself. That might not bring in the big bucks, but at least you get to be your own boss.
By the way, I can pretty much guarantee you’ll never learn anything about being a better blogger by reading my blog so feel free to keep visiting. 🙂
Hi Jack. This is my first time to visit your blog, and this post made me smile. Partially because of the conversation with your daughter at the end. Mostly because I, too, get tired of reading all the stuff about how-to-be-a-better-blogger/Twitterer/Facebooker/etc. Almost everyone starts saying the same stuff, eventually.
And I get tired of *writing* about it, too. I sometimes blog about such things — when what I really want to blog about is creative writing and my novels and what drives me. Thanks for the reminder that it’s okay for me to do that. : )
@ChopperPapa Lifeless is a good description for them. No passion, no energy, no fire and no reason to read them.
I grow so tired of reading posts that are written for search engines, that are lifeless and carry on them the meat of a sparrow.
It’s so obvious that they are written for crawlers that all I aim for is to close my browser as quickly as possible.
@TheJackB Hi Jack. Yes, and I admit I’ve helped in soup kitchens and donated some money, but have done little else. But as you say, with so many mentally ill it is difficult. Never, ever get sick of Carlin. Later.
@Craig McBreen Hi Craig. That guy on his back obviously caught my eye and now that I have had time to reflect upon it I have decided that he was probably ‘ok.’ One of the sad and more shameful things to happen to us is the proliferation of homeless people on our streets.
It is not just that they’re homeless, but so many are mentally ill. It is really tough to take care of people like that and even harder when they wander the city without any care.
Your are right about Carlin. He is one of my favorites. I started listening to his albums when I was 13 and became an immediate fan.
This is a great post. All woven together so well. And so what if your words are filled too frequently with the sad, simpering sounds of unhappiness. There are many other places to go for people who don’t like that. Love your style.
Regarding the man lying on his back. I’ve had fairly similar experiences in the past and on reflection, like you, felt conflicted about it, thinking up several different scenarios after the fact.
And yes, cranky, crotchety curmudgeon does sound good. Love me some Lewis Black, but what about the ultimate curmudgeon, George Carlin? Feeling a bit cynical, watch an old Carlin bit, it’ll put a smile on your face. Well, it’ll put a smile on my face 🙂
@MimiMeredith I always enjoy hearing parents who are a few steps ahead of me talk in such glowing terms about it all. It is easy for me to see how fast it can go.
Yesterday I was 21 and trying to decide if law school was still an option. An hour ago I watched my son be born and a few minutes later my daughter showed up. I am afraid to blink because 20 more years will pass.
I look forward to having a picture like you guys, although I don’t think that we’ll be quite as tall. Don’t tell my daughter that, she wants to be as tall as me. 🙂
@TheJackB And it goes by in a blink. When I was 40, none of my kids were driving yet, and each–even the sophomore in high school–would occasionally still ask me to lie down beside them at night and sort through worries, or to sing goodnight songs together. Now, they are all three taller than me (we’re a tall group, as you saw on my bday post!) and though our visits are still often cozy, they are each much more independent. My oldest is thinking about graduate school and has a serious girlfriend. Son #2 is working and going to college and lives with two great chums in an apartment (I probably still see him once a month and every time he walks through the door my heart leaps as if he’s been away for a decade!) and my daughter has her learning permit and is off being a nanny to some cousins for a bit this summer. It’s an interesting new stage. And I love it. I have to say, I never found any stage to be as bad as anyone predicted and my children are a hoot. It’s so fun to be around them as adults. I think it’s great fun to have a beer with my son and his girlfriend and talk about work. …you get the picture and you already know all this anyway. The best is yet to come.
Mimi, PPP
@MimiMeredith Perky purveyor of all that is positive provides a position to promote positivity. I like it. I can’t say that I see 50 as old in the way that I used to in part because I know how fast eight years can go.
What throws me in some respects is the changes that I know will happen with my kids. Eight years gives me a college student who presumably will be as tall or taller than me and a teenage girl. No wonder I am losing my hair.
@englishontarget Thank you for visiting. Give me time and I can make a lot of noise. 😉 This stuff should be fun, blogging that is. If you can’t have fun with it than what good is it. People will like it or they won’t- no reason to change for them.
Please come by again.
Excellent. Subscribed. You’re standing out from the noise.
I rarely read anything in which I can find agreement or empathy with every line. I did with this. Until the part about being near 50. It’s not old. I have a lot I’m planning on starting when I’m 50. I’m starting now to realize that I’m going to understand more when I’m 50. And I may even be skinnier. Okay, not. But what the heck, it’s all about looking forward to the possibilities!!
Loved this post. Please don’t change your style. Kindred spirits in the rambling and alliterative…though I have become known as the perky purveyor of all that is positive. That doesn’t sum me up any more than cranky, cantankerous…oops, crotchety…curmudgeon does you!
@bdorman264 I agree that turning 50 beats the alternative. My 42 year-old ego is coming to terms with getting beat down the court by guys I could have kept up with 20 years ago. Sometimes the competitive streak creates a little bit of frustration.
Ideally I’ll do the Ironman when I turn 50. It is a long term goal but I am not even close to being in shape for it so I need to get working on that. I figure if I can qualify and finish it than I’ll be in pretty good shape. After that it will be just maintenance.
I like your posts and your style. It is not as stuffy as others and that is refreshing.
Actually, I think it was 392,283,323 posts on how to be a better blogger AND most can be had for only $99.95.
Hey, it’s your post right? Talk about whatever you want to. Yeah, some people will be offended but you can’t please all the people all the time…….
I will let you in on a little secret…………50 is not that bad………..beats the alternative………………:)
I appreciate your irreverence, humor and style of writing. We are on two different platforms, but I certainly don’t write for keywords, headlines, etc. Maybe some day I should pay more attention, but for now I will just stick w/ the writing.
Good to see you Jack.
@Jk Allen Hi JK. I appreciate your thoughtful words. When I was younger I often felt like I was on the outside looking in. I can remember lots of times where I felt like everyone else knew something that I didn’t.
Occasionally it would bother me but most of the time I didn’t think twice about it because it is who I am and how I am made. As I have gotten older I have learned that lots of people feel or have felt this way.
I am grateful for blogging because it has helped me in so many different ways. And I am appreciative that people like yourself come visit. I don’t expect anyone to keep up with all of my posts. I produce too much content.
Anyway, I found the lines in my stomach today and made a point of showing them to my daughter. All I can say is that my girl humbled me as only a child can do- but she made me smile so it is all good.
Looking forward to seeing you here again.
Hey Jack! I think this place defines you. It showcases your life, your mind, your emotions. In my opinion there is no right or wrong way to go about it. Who cares what other folks say. You don’t seem to be one who conforms to what the status quo dishes out to the robots.
You’re a great example of having a personal blog. Or writing about random life experiences and sharing who you are with the world. That’s why I subscribed and that’s why I read. Now I admit that I surely can’t keep up with your output (I simply don’t have that much time), but I always read one or two posts per week and comment when I can.
Don’t change a thing! There’s not right way to do it. There may be alternative ways depending on specific goals…but even then you own what you do – not anyone else.
Bests to you buddy!
And to our inside joke…
“what were those lines in your stomach”!
@BigLittleWolf Yes, the three C’s are important to me. Or maybe that is just a sign that I have been exposed to too much Sesame Street. Don’t know, have that think about that a little bit. 😉
Been years since anyone called me jailbait, I rather like it. 😀
The three C’s – cranky, crotchety, and curmudgeonly. What could be more fun than that?
As for taking a step back to breathe – always a good idea, especially for those of us who tend to speed along at 300mph, and <i>rarely</i> do just that.
As for turning 50 – DUDE!!! You calling some of the hottest latest around OLD??? It’s a piece of cake, you Jailbait, you!
@Paul_Wolfe Hi Paul. Thank you for the recommendation. I have been reading Dar Kush and finding it to be quite interesting.
I don’t mind blazing a trail here. I never would have lasted as long as I have if I didn’t do this my way. I’ll take the liberty of being a father and repeat myself, “Build your community around you.”
I believe strongly in that. The people who like my posts will read them and those who don’t will go elsewhere. I am not interested in trying to write for them. It is nice to be liked and or loved, but if you don’t have passion for this than why do it.
@EveOne Hi Eve, nice to see you again. We are in agreement regarding blogging. It is important to blog for yourself and do what works for you. Glad to hear about the age thing. It really does seem to be contingent upon our attitude and our actions.
Jack
The one thing you NEVER see written about anywhere is that every blogger has got to find their own way, has got to find what works for them. What works for me will not work for you – because we are different people, different writers, and we have different goals.
Sometimes you can use someone as a mentor or as a model, and follow their path for a while. But you will ALWAYS have to veer off and find your own path at some stage.
Your path Jack is different than most other bloggers – because of how you blog. There’s a guy who used to be a bit like you – in the last year or so he’s changed a bit – but if you go to his blog and scan back through the archives I think you’ll find some stuff that you’ll like. His name is Steven Barnes – and he blogs at Dar Kush. If you google him, you’ll find him.
The reason your path seems hard some days is because you have to make a machete out of your thoughts every day to cut through the jungle of noise to say what you want to say. That’s a hard battle to fight on a daily basis. But if you stop – then who will people like you use as a model in a years time? Or 2 years time? Or 5 years time?
Paul
What a great post! I agree…there’s a lot of blogs that just try to preach about how to write your blog….the way I see it, a blog is personal to the person writing it, and they can write whatever they want to, in whatever form they want. I get tired too, of some of the people just trying to tell everyone else how they’re doing everything wrong…and about the age thing….I know for most of my life 50 seemed old. Now I’ll be 51 in a month and I think this is the best age I’ve ever been, but if I slow down and think about it for a bit….it does seem kind of old! I guess it’s all in the attitude. There’s some aspects of getting older that really suck, but it’s preferrable to the alternative!
Keep up the great posts, you young whipper snapper you!
@marianne.worley I had to smile because I don’t know what I am going to write until I write it. That is not true for every post but most of the time I compose on the fly and just run with it.
And I am pleased with your promise about my daughter always being my little girl. That is invaluable, simply priceless.
@EricCostantino Thank you. I think it is better to build our community around us so posting about what we like is critical.
@StartYourNovel I think that you have touched upon one of the critical elements of blogging- why are you doing it and what do you want from it.
If you don’t have answers to these questions you can easily find yourself meandering without purpose. That is not a negative for everyone, but…
@BrandonPDuncan I love my red shirts, except the really tight ones because they make me look like a stuffed sausage. 😉
We’re in complete agreement here. The best blogging comes from our natural voice and people respond to that authenticity. More importantly natural makes it far more enjoyable and that is important. If you don’t like blogging it is hard to keep it up.
@JoeDeGiorgio Hi Joe, thank you for your kind words. My family, especially my sisters and parents will tell you that I am stubborn, ornery and slow to change. I tend to move at my own pace. It is not always a good thing, but in this case I am cool with it.
Thanks for coming by again, I appreciate it.
Jack you are doing it more right than anyone else out there. Please don’t change no matter what the “experts” say….
HA! The ‘you aren’t doing it right’ does get frustrating doesn’t it? And the noise of the world can definitely desensitize you from everything.
Just keep doing what you do. Remember, if you have readers, it’s because you have a viewpoint or a voice that people want to read. You simply cannot change everything and NO blogger is perfect or does everything right. If we all did? We might at well all be on the same blog. Use what works and fits you and your space. Think about it. If every movie star in the world said that they became famous because they wore a red shirt to an audition, but you can’t wear red, does that mean you will never get a part? (Terrible example, but you get the point.)
Keep on keeping on, brother.
By the way, I signed up with livefyre so I could comment on your blog. That’s saying something.
Sometimes, Jack, you just need to speak your mind.
As you said, there is too much broadcasting and too little back-and-forth.
The question is, what is this blog to you? What’s it about – to you? What are you trying to achieve? What’s your unifying vision?
Because if you have a vision, damn SEO and damn publishing schedules.
– J (Start Your Novel)
Great post brother. Damn them all and post about what moves you!
As I said in my tweet to you, I love, love, love this post. The divergent story lines that converge in the end–that’s powerful. And it makes you think. I like reading your posts because your writing always challenges me to think, to consider, to have the courage to do something different. So just keep being exactly who you are. We’ll never know what to expect, but we’ll love it when we get there.
PS I give you my solemn promise that when your daughter reaches my age (which so happens to be close to your age) she will still be daddy’s little girl. Even death couldn’t break that bond between me and my Dad.
Indeed they do, Jack, indeed they do. I like that you do your thing on your blog.