A Fool Frolics Freely

“It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside
I’m not one of those who can easily hide
I don’t have much money but boy if I did
I’d buy a big house where we both could live”
Your song- Elton John

Dear June,

I had that dream again. You know the one where I don’t write about dancing in the fire or lightning striking twice. There are no references to Echoes of the Future or Timing. No stories about the song of my heart or wind and waves. The heart may want what it wants but in my dream it doesn’t matter. I know things. I hear music. In my dream I don’t make the mistakes or take that wrong turn. In my dreams I don’t live a Greek tragedy or wonder about the war between heart and head.

A lifetime ago you called me in a panic and told me that you couldn’t imagine living a life alone and apart. I listened and laughed- not at you, but with you. I promised you that it wouldn’t go that way and asked you to have faith. It is a conversation that we’ll have on more than one occasion. The time to talk will come and go without the sort of resolution that we want but we’ll keep pushing forwards because we don’t know how to do it any other way.

And now a thousand years later I look back upon the past and try to understand what happened. I look back and wonder if the attempt to see what once was hampers the ability to see what could be. Was it dumb luck or destiny that brought us together. Did we have good timing or bad and does it really matter.

When I fell down the rabbit hole I lost my compass and have spent years wandering through golden caverns and plumbed the black depths of underground seas. I have stood under a moonlit sky and sent my soul searching for yours and found it upon more than one occasion.

So now I live between what was once and what might yet be. I wander through the kingdom we built and tend to the gardens we planted hopeful that one day we’ll harvest these crops together. Our castle is closed but only until we decide to live in it again. For now I fight the wars we once waged together alone and apart from you. But I do it because these pictures of you haven’t left my head and my heart swears there is a point and a purpose.

When his heart is full a fool frolics freely. I know  because I have been that guy and wonder/believer that one day I will be him again.