It is generally considered bad form to use your spoon to fling hors d’oeuvres at the other guests, even if the hors d’oeuvres in question is covered with a sticky sauce that would make a great Rorschach pattern on a white top. Nor are you allowed to intentionally bump into someone in the hopes that they will spill red wine on said top. Sadly defenestration isn’t even on the list of options but one day I hope to change that.
Two weeks ago at Back To School Night I heard a woman say, “Bloggers are among the biggest narcissists I have ever met.” She is one of the mean moms at the kids’ school and is part of a small group of women who can take pride in raising mean girls. After all these are the sort of accomplishments that we parents work hard to achieve.
Really, one day we all hope to say raise a glass and say that our daughters have become a bigger bitch than their mother. Note to self, if you ever hear anyone say that about your daughter you need to slap people silly, start with yourself.
School Politics
Back to School Night is a cross between a parent social and a dog and pony show for the school. I like it for the same reasons that most people do. It is important to me to go meet the teachers and learn about how their classrooms work. It makes it much easier for me to help my children when I know something about what their teachers expect from them.
And I like the parent social. I have friends there and after a summer away it is good to catch up with them. What I don’t like are the politics and the game playing. They irritate me and remind me there are more than a few reasons why I don’t think I would ever be elected to public office. It is not just because I inhaled or because I make fun of the Tea Party and OccupyWallStreet crowds. Nor is it because I can be exceptionally snotty and drown people in information about the political process and Constitutional law.
“Are you coaching soccer this year Jack?” I nodded my head and asked if he was. “I am. We have a really good team this year, I think we’ll be undefeated.” Â That is the kind of talk that makes me laugh. I probably shouldn’t have responded but the surgery to remove the filters from my mouth was successful. “I have always wanted to be the coach of an undefeated team of eight year-old girls.”
He moved on to speak with someone else and I got to listen to others share their thoughts about what the school should do and how they should do it. Good times. I probably would have enjoyed it more if the people involved were interested in having a discussion and not a soliloquy.
Are You Talking To Me?
If I suffered from bouts of paranoia I might have assumed that the comment about bloggers being narcissists was aimed at me. It did come from the wife of the undefeated soccer team and we did have a misunderstanding last year. Â Really I could write one hell of a post about being targeted by the mean girl collective.
It would give me a good excuse to tell you about how I told one of the husbands that I am not intimidated by a “lick it around the edges girl” and her husband “ride me Sheldon.” But as you can see I don’t need an excuse to work that into the story nor do I need to fabricate a reason to tell you that he told me that some people are fucked and others are fuckers. If I did I would have to relate the entire tale of my snottiness including the part where I told him that I don’t engage in pissing contests with men who don’t wear an extra large condom.
Sadly that has to be among the worst insults I have ever been given the opportunity to use. Really, it is embarrassing and I should strike that from the public record.
In Conclusion
I don’t think that this woman was talking about me or that she knows about any of my blogs. If anything it was just coincidental that I heard her say that about bloggers. Â It is important to me to clarify that I really like the school that my kids go to. It has been fantastic and among the greatest gifts that we can give them. Life can take a lot of things from you but it can’t take your education.
The majority of the people, staff and faculty are simply wonderful and I am grateful for all that they have done for my children.
Of course it is always fun to look back and laugh at the absurdity of some of the small talk that comes up.
Absurd is being kind. Some of these people need to be pricked with a giant needle. 😉
I gotta agree with Craig. You had me at “I have always wanted to be the coach of an undefeated team of eight year-old girls.†That line is the best! I shall think of it whenever some puffed up peacock gives me their “I’m the king of the castle” line. Cheers! Kaarina
Hi Kaarina,
Every now and then we come up with a great retort during the conversation and not afterwards. That was fun.
Based upon your description of his wife, I’d assume he is the ‘fucked’ in that reference.
I sure hope so. 😉
You should couch an opposing team and give them steroids. Victory is EVERYTHING!
Oren, I am sorely tempted to do so- the look on his face would be priceless.
Jack, This is golden. Really.
Overzealous PTA moms. Power moms and dads. Whatever you want to call them, well yes, mean moms is more fitting I guess. Simple and to the point. Cliques, as if they were still 17, and yes, “politics and the game playing.” is so common. I hate that so much. Maybe the prom king and queen didn’t get enough attention in high school. I don’t know. When I go to these events, sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school and to me, that’s not a good feeling. Oh no, the popular kids are back.
Jack, this is priceless:
“I have always wanted to be the coach of an undefeated team of eight year-old girls.†🙂 🙂
People living vicariously through their children is something we often see. Maybe even pushing their desires on them, thinking it’s a good thing. Anyway …
This really made my day. Hope you have a good one!
Some people never grow up. My middle sister told me that I made a lot of “friends” last year at my nephew’s baseball game when I told someone to stop yelling at the kids because they were never going to be good enough to play pro ball.
While it is true that I can’t say that none of them will make it the odds are in my favor and frankly I couldn’t take the carping from the parents anymore.
I wasn’t one of the popular kids in high school but I wasn’t picked on either. That didn’t make it any easier or more tolerable to witness this crap. If anything I have become more intolerant of it.
Anyhoo, hope you had a good day. Mine wasn’t bad.
There have been several instances where I wish I had the guts to say what you said. I may have made a few enemies, but would have felt better and also made few “friends” as you did 🙂
Hi Craig,
I can appreciate that. I have some good stories but I would be lying if I said that I never got into trouble for speaking honestly.
Oh tsk tsk! You engaged with them. Tell me, is it a private, snotty school or good old public school?
In our public school we have the War of the Jews Who Are Very Uptight vs the Jews Who Wear Shorts and Show Up to Birthday Parties.
The extent of my engagement at Required Events is to sit back, smile, and nod. I am blessed with the Most Brilliant Child award and they leave me strictly alone. When #2 gets there we will have a whole other battle.
They were not talking about you, definitely (snickers behind hand in bitchy fashion).
Julie,
It is a private school. We have been there for almost 10 years now. It has been a wonderful experience and with the exception of a few moments like those I mentioned it is awesome.
The snotty few don’t like me because I have far too much fun telling them in no uncertain terms how foolish they are.
OMG really, really snorted out loud! What does it say about me that this could now be my fave JackB post?
Hi Sandi,
Maybe it says you like my bad attitude. 😉