Someone ought to tell the people that send me hate mail that I appreciate their time and that I enjoy occupying a place inside their heads. Let them know that because I am quite mature I probably won’t use their email addresses or names in the posts that I write about them,
Ok, don’t tell them that because I can’t and won’t promise that I won’t say that MrEd87@hotmail.com doesn’t have the most clever email address ever or that his email wasn’t the wittiest I have ever read.
I am glad that he took the time to send me a 8,983 word email about why my blog is a failure. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons:
- It rambles.
- The headlines aren’t always good.
- The headlines don’t always relate.
- Sometimes there are spelling mistakes.
- There is too much innuendo.
- I don’t care how long you have been blogging for.
Well Mr. Ed. try not to bite my hand as you take the sugar cubes from me and I will respond point by point.
- Before I begin I want to ask if read the story about the guy who had sex with a nun, kicked a priest and pulled a rabbi’s beard. Wait, let’s not talk about that yet. Did I tell you that I dislike LeBron so much I want the celtics to beat the Heat. Now what was I saying.
- I promise to write a post that uses the following headline: A Good Headline.
- I am sorry that I didn’t provide 69 reasons why fathers are better lovers. Oops.
- You must be a Canuck or a Brit if you think that I color and favorite aren’t spelled correctly.
- If only she fit under the desk while I was writing this might be funnier. Or maybe I would smile more. Dammit, does that fit your critique…
- There are 8 years worth of complaints about my blogging…
A Musical Interlude and More about Why Blogs Fail
After the Fire– Roger Daltrey
Jack And Diane-John Mellencamp
I Think I Love You-Â The Partridge Family
Goodbye-Emmy Lou Harris
Tangled Up In Blue– Bob Dylan
No Leaf Clover– Metallica
It is time for me to put on my Social Media Guru hat and use my amazing social media ninja skills to educate my new friend Mr. Ed. Stand back and watch my 8 years of blogging provide him with the sort of education he couldn’t find any where else.
The reason your blog is a failure is because you have unrealistic expectations. There is a domino effect that is tied into this. You are frustrated because your traffic hasn’t set the blogosphere on fire and you aren’t receiving 1,000 comments per post praising you for your insight and wit.
Your focus isn’t on organic growth or understanding that it takes time, hard work and significant effort to build something of value. Consequently you have adopted poor metrics to pay attention to and think that you are failing when it is entirely possible to say that you are succeeding.
That is my long winded and rambling way of saying you are failing because you aren’t having fun.
You Can Turn It Around
What is with the long face my friend. You can turn this around. You can change it up and turn that frown upside down. The way to start having fun is to begin by writing first for you and then for everyone else. Write with passion and purpose but do it about something that interests you.
Stop trying to write for traffic. Stop trying to go viral. No one knows the formula. If they did they would do it every time and it wouldn’t be long before that formula was sold for big bucks and everything would go viral and we wouldn’t get anything done because we’d spend all day watching viral videos on YouTube.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. Just write. Tell everyone you are the greatest daddy blogger ever and you have had sex with nuns and priests. Ok, maybe leave out the priests part but definitely include the nuns.
Scratch that, don’t categorize or label the women. Just say that because of blogging you are rich, famous and have lots of sex. Anyone who knows anything about blogging will automatically assume that you are either lying or that you had money before you became a blogger because no one gets rich from this business.
The same people will tell you that being a big deal on the Internet isn’t such a big deal in real life. Try talking to most people about those big names from the Internet/blogosphere and they won’t have a clue what you are talking about.
So just tell everyone that because you are a blogger you have lots of sex. They may not believe you but they will read you because sex always sells, especially if you write ebooks that are labelled as Mommy Porn, whatever the hell that means.
Review
Well Mr. Ed I hope you feel better now. I have addressed all of your concerns and have provided you with practical instructions for how to keep your blog from becoming a failure. I have also come up with a plan for a good headline, stopped rambling and removed all of the innuendo from my blog.
That ought to make you smile and feel special.
So nice of you to respond to Mr. Ed. I think the fact that someone took the time to type out almost 9000 words to you makes your blog quite a success.
I would be happy to get a several sentence long hate mail as I have received nothing of the sort in the almost 2 year existence of my blog. That’s what I would call a failed blog.
But I just do it for myself mostly. I wouldn’t mind to be a world famous blogger, known both on and off line, but I know it’ll never happen.
Anyways, nice post.
Hi Brad,
The key to this business is fun. The hate mail is fun, as long as you don’t take it seriously.
I am a big fan of blogging for yourself. When you do that it is much easier to have fun and to instill your personality and passion into it.
That mr. Ed is an interesting man, the problem with people like that is that they define failure from their own point of view. For me, my blog can be a huge success, but for another person looking from the outside, it can be a huge failure. It’s all about our goals and why we blog. I bet mr. Ed understands that, he just wanted to get his views and his name published on a brilliant blog :-)Â
 @Jens Goals are critical and when you don’t know what they are you can’t determine whether something is successful or not.
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Hope you are having a great Friday night.
There’s much humor and tongue in cheek here. Some hard truth as well. And much self-awareness. That’s why Jack is the best daddy blogger in the world, of course.
I can’t imagine spending the time to write such a lengthy response to a blog.Â
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I can only hope that in the future I receive an email even the quarter of the length of that critique of your site.Â
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But why you’d have to drag us Canucks into this? We would never correct someone’s spelling, unless we apologized before-hand and afterwards.Â
 @four_sides I love you Canucks. My grandfather is from Montreal and I still have family there. You made me laugh with the line about apologizing. Canadians are among the friendliest and most polite people I have ever met.
This would actually be funny if it was true. So, @TheJackB my default for you now is I believe exactly zilch you write unless it’s about some tech-related blogging stuff (which is boring but helpful but I can get that anywhere). I come here for the bulls….er, storytelling and this one did not disappoint.
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The “lesson” is good too. If only we can believer it. That’s the rub, my dear fellow.
 @rdopping Hi Ralph,
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The story telling is part of the fun and if you are not having fun than there is no point in blogging. Well, maybe no point is too strong but you get what I am saying.
I’m the greatest Daddy Blogger Ever but am still working on having my wife allow me to have sex with Nuns and Priests. Also working the Rabbi angle.
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http://thelifeandtimesofmanni.blogspot.com
David,
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Let’s not get crazy skippy. You can’t take my title without engaging in the Feats of Strength competition first.Â
Hi Jack, Wow, I wish I could fail like you!Â
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I recently received an email from an SEO company telling me, in boilerplate, how bad my blog was because search engines couldn’t find it and it had no backlinks. Even if that were the case, I wouldn’t want to do business with someone who sold me by telling me how badly I suck at this.
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Mr. Ed sounds like a great chap. He is an inspiration to you. But then again, you’re just about the last person who needs inspiration. You could give Stephen King lessons on being prolific!
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Here’s to haters!Â
 @wonderoftech Hi Carolyn,
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I get a bunch of those emails too. I am sure that some of them come from companies that are “legitimate” in the sense that they will try to help you in your SEO efforts but they always give me the heebie jeebies.
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Inspiration is easy, like you I see a ton of things to write about. I can’t think of a day where I haven’t come across something be it an observation, current event or gadget worth writing about.
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I think it is a matter of practice and being open to it.
Love the name Mr. Ed. Did you make that up?
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@Gina I don’t have a good enough imagination to make anything up.
Jack, did you make this up because if not, Mr Ed just inspired a brilliant blog post! LOL I love the point you hide in the rambling and innuendo ;-o > ‘”you are failing because you aren’t having fun.” Well and succinctly said, as is Jack’s signature. It could have been your entire post – just eight words.Â
🙂
Lori
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 @Lori Could I have made this up? Maybe.
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You are right, I could have used those 8 words. I wonder if the message would reach more people that way. It is an interesting thought, there is a lot to be said for simplicity.
A horse is a horse, of course. [grin]
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I apologize to you Jack for not making many comments this last week or two. I have been reading and following the fight. And I continue to cheer for the daddy in the arena.
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 @Faryna No worries Stan. There is no obligation to comment. I appreciate your following along.