There are boundaries in blogging that I wrestle with. There are things that I don’t share because they aren’t “my stories” and because there are people who will try to use those stories to hurt me.
That isn’t paranoia speaking. I am not a victim and I don’t walk around watching out for black helicopters or worrying about all of the people who are out to get me. I say this because I have been the beneficiary of some very special treatment because of blogging so I know things can happen.
It is not my nature to tiptoe or walk around a fight. I am not the guy who is afraid to mix it up but I am also old enough to know that some of these fights aren’t worth it.
I don’t need to wave Mr. Winky around to prove he is bigger than yours and frankly I’d rather not. People get embarrassed when they inadvertently step on me and I can’t tell you how badly a well placed stiletto heel can hurt.
Are We Poor?
My kids asked me today if we are poor and I damn near split a gut. We aren’t poor. We aren’t homeless. We don’t go hungry and no one worries about having clothes to wear.
But the truth is that our situation isn’t what it once was. I take responsibility for some of that. I haven’t any problem saying that nor do I consider it a contradiction to say that I got fucked.
Yes, I removed the asterisk, but let’s not get caught up in that.
I got screwed by the greedy and irresponsible. I got hammered by things outside of my control and it would be easy to rant.
I could tell you about how I was fired on the day of my grandfather’s funeral. They knew where I was and what I was doing that day. I could share more details but that should give you real insight into their character.
I could tell you a few other stories about bad things that happened. I wouldn’t have to exaggerate or make anything up. I could share the sad and sordid tale and make some of you cry.
But I don’t want or need to. Some of that is pride and some of that is recognition that my situation could be much worse.
Gratitude and Frustration
You see I am torn by the contradiction of gratitude and frustration. I haven’t recovered as fast as I would have liked to. I haven’t climbed back to the top of the damn mountain yet and it irks me.
It hurts me to hear my kids say these things. I don’t want to just give them everything because they won’t appreciate it. I want them to work for some of this but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to provide.
As a man and a father this is the sort of thing that stabs at your core. If you let the darkness overwhelm you it will suck the very essence out of you.
But gratitude won’t let that happen. I am well aware that our situation isn’t what I want but it is not that bad. Not only that I know that I will get back to where I want to be.
And I can say that this experience has taught me a million different lessons and forced me to recognize that I had to change paths. It has been hard but rewarding. There have been moments of doubt and more pain than I would like, but shit happens.
A Plan of Action
I have a plan of action that I am following and I expect this will help us get to where we want to be. It is a flexible plan that was created so that adjustments could be made when necessary.
The reason I share all this is because I am done being force fed negative energy by the people who love/hate Obama/Romney. The world is not going to come to an end if he is elected or re-elected. Life will go on and we will do what we have always done- adapt and overcome.
Adapt and overcome comes from a line in Heartbreak Ridge. BTW, that link is NSFW.
Why Write About It?
The answer is simple. This is cathartic for me. When I write things down it helps me to clarify my thoughts and ideas and to vent.
I am not waiting around for change. I am doing my best to make it happen. Part of that is making it clear to friends, family and whoever else is listening that whining about what could or should be won’t make anything happen.
Action. It is about action. Action makes me feel better.
This isn’t a one act play. The way I see it we are at intermission now and I have the entire second act to perform.
Sometimes life is hard, but nothing good comes easy or so I sometimes whisper in the dark.
Thanks for posting this. Â
Sorry such misery happened to you (and to me). Someday your children will “get” the bigger picture and admire your strength.
But, yeah, why does someday take so long to get here? Â
Hang in there.
I also write about it because it makes me feel better. And people who don’t like it are welcome to go fuck themselves.
Unfortunately, the one thing I really want to write about, I can’t. I like food and shelter just a bit too much. If I ever want to write about that then I’d need to do it through fiction. I already have the characters laid out in my mind.
I like that you write about it, Jack. It helps me know that I’m not so alone.
You obviously understand that some things aren’t worth the bad taste they would leave everywhere. Good luck with the plan Jack. It’s tough to hear about good people who have had it rough. I look forward to reading about the good changes counterbalances to this that will certainly come.
A friend of mine once told me that he advised his daughter to quit a job because of the toxic environment there. He said it was like trying to stay healthy while sleeping in a bed riddled with disease.
He was right.
Given a little time all will balance out.
Looking back, I never thought we were poor, but in reality we were probably only about 2 missed paychecks from being poor, white, trash. I always thought everybody was in the same boat, same social class. The good thing about not having any money; I wasn’t given a damn thing. You know my Army story, but I paid for my college 100%. So not having ‘enough’ money is certainly not the end of the world.
Yes, there are certain battles worth fighting but I can tell you there are ‘very few.’ Sometimes you just need to get on with it and don’t let ‘negative’ hold you back.
I know you are a battler and probably have some ‘want to’ to even things up; but I’m sure you are better served with forward thinking instead.
Stay the course.
I like your army story. I bet your drill sergeant loved you. 😉 One of the best parts about being a kid is that you often really don’t have a clue as to what the real situation is. It could be much better or it could be much worse.
My daughter cracks me up. She thinks I have got a fat wallet that I am hiding from her. Let her think that for now, won’t hurt anyone.
Definitely not interested in the energy it would take to fight that battle. I’d win but it would take a long time to do so and ultimately it would slow me down from taking care of what is most important and that is unacceptable.
Life and the quality of it is all mindset.
Our minds and emotions can run wild; but only if we let them.
Focus. Action. Knowing who you are, where you’re going and what kind of life you’re going to provide your children is all that matters.
The rest is a mind-fuck that attempts to steal the very foundation that defines of who we are, where were going and what were going to provide our children.
Life isn’t fair. Building business isn’t easy. The world is upside-down. People are full of fear.
Fuck it. Take the world by storm. Take what life attempts to steal from you. Grab whatever attempts to get in your way by the throat cut off the air-supply off.
Write til you bleed, fight til drop, never stop, ever. This mother fucker (life) is here to be tamed by you, so get busy and tame it!
Okay, I’ve cussed here too much in this reply. But I feel you Josh. This gets me going. Life gets me going and I’m going to win, no matter what.
Victory belongs to those who fight and kick everybody’s ass to take the hill.
Your friend,
Mark
P.S. Thank god your not with that stupid fucking company anymore; it was holding you back.
Mark,
I love your passion and you know that is the kind of thing that gets me going. I am not the kind of person who looks for meaning in everything that happens to me. I won’t say that I understand everything about the universe and how it works but I will say that some things are random.
It doesn’t matter to me whether this was random or preordained because I am where I am now and the only thing I care about it moving forward.
However it is fair to say that it made me reassess and refocus on somethings and that is a good thing.
Don’t worry about cussing here because I don’t flinch. Been through a couple of rough spots and have no problem saying that some times life is a real motherfucker but that doesn’t mean we can’t fix things.
It doesn’t mean we can’t find ways to make life into what we want it to be and that is what we are going to do.
I feel sad what happen to you but I thank god that you are safe now..
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I agree with you…writing IS cathartic and I also think people really enjoy seeing the person behind the words. I once had a boss who made me take vacation days after my apartment burned down. To the ground. It said a lot about what kind of person she was. Instead of being able to enjoy downtime with friends and family, I used my vacation time that year to live in a Red Cross facility, deal with insurance reps, and rebuilding my life. So when I read things like your story about being fired, it makes me really, really angry. Where is the humanity?
@ginidietrich:disqus The mean man who lives inside me hopes that your boss received her just reward for her lack of compassion. Things happen and sometimes we need to step back and look at the employee as the mother/father/sister/brother/person they are.
It is really sad that some don’t understand that.
I can relate. I feel my career isn’t taking off and I ain’t getting the job I really hope for. Just last month I gave four interviews and got rejected by all. Life is tough. And I keep thinking, it can get only better from here… let’s see and hope.
Just don’t let the hope die…
@hajrak:disqus You are still young and have lots of time. Don’t you just love when people say that to you. I still hear it, but I appreciate it..mostly. We just have to keep pushing and things will move in the right direction.
Hmmm…I debated about sharing my ugly, groundless 2 1/2 year TM litigation story, but instead, without blowing sunshine up anyone’s butt, I say: Good to let it out. It takes strength, not weakness, to share. And know that by sharing, we’re all better for it, because after all… we’re all in it together. Cheers! Kaarina
@kaarinadillabough:disqus Hello Madam Ambassador. Well I keep learning from you and all the other jamokes (@twitter-22830278:disqus ) that hang out here. If we work together on some of this life gets a bit easier.
That’s what it’s all about:)
I can relate to this right now so much. It’s not about finances for me but health and it sucks not being able to gvie my kids exactly what I want to. I’m too sick to be themother I sued to be and while it’s also not the end of the world illness there is a certain amount of pride I gather from being the homemaker, about reaching my own set goals, and when I physically can’t do it, it is beyond frustrating. But like you I have learned a lot and am also preparing for the second act. Really a perfect analogy Jack, “Intermission”. That’s exactly how I feel.
Thanks so damn much for sharing 🙂
@twitter-534890834:disqus Well I hope that your health is restored ASAP so that you can hit that second act head on. I am a big believer in the power of will and attitude.
Jack, you are a brilliant writer. Three words: pick.your.battles. Like you don’t know that.
@twitter-229922134:disqus I want to make like Bruce Lee and take on all my adversaries at once. Someone give me some nunchuks and then watch out! 😉
Well said, sir. I’m sure this resonates with all of us who are busy rebuilding, and are not all that happy about it. Dreams don’t automatically come true. They are illusions continually and persistently imagined to realization.
@facebook-100004078394886:disqus I tell the kids that I want them to live their dreams and not dream their lives. I also tell them that dreams come out of hard work and not thought.
You’re so smart to use this forum to earn the love of your community to say keep on. You’re a strong-willed man with your children to encourage you; you will win, and it’s all about timing. Love.You.
@twitter-22830278:disqus One thing I have learned from blogging is that if you talk with your community and ask for help they will give it.
Sometimes the hardest part is admitting you need that help, followed by trying to figure out what sort of help to ask for.
I have faith that we are going to come out the other side and that includes you too.
My kids are old enough they don’t need to ask if we are poor. They know we are. So is everyone else we know so it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. I am grateful for what we do have. I know it could be worse & could get that way very quickly. I’m also doing what I can to improve our situation. Things aren’t going as well as I would like, but I just got to keep working at it. It is like that old song by Alabama “Someone told us Wall Street fell, but we were so poor we couldn’t tell.”
@delisac:disqus I don’t know that my kids really care that much. I think I am the one who is most irritated by their question. No one who knows anything would truly define us as poor, but my upper middle class position has taken a significant hit. My ego got smacked along with it too.
The most important thing for the kids is for them to feel safe, loved and secure. If you have that than you are in pretty good shape.
I know that Alabama song you are talking about.
I recently wrote about my memories of childhood and how they affected my beliefs around money. As a kid, I remember wondering if we were poor too – but only in comparison to others. We had a nice house, we went on vacations, nothing was lacking. So why did I think we were poor? My mom would never buy any name brand stuff. Yup. That’s all it took for me to question our financial situation!
As I wrote that post, I remembered how happy my childhood was and how my parents’ values impacted the person I grew into. I felt such gratitude for how they brought us up.
And most of the time, I still don’t buy the name brand stuff 😉
@devacoach:disqus I often wonder what sort of memories my children are developing and how our decisions influence them.
Your story is a perfect example of that. You never know how our choices will impact them.
It must be gratifying for your folks to know you have such fond memories.
Yes, but I’ve also told them I was traumatized by their refusal to buy me a pair of Levis when I turned 13! My mom brought home the Sears brand instead and I wailed like the world was coming to an end 😉
Well done for writing this. I think you have captured the very essence of what so many of us have experienced, and the resilience we all need to find within ourselves.
I’m a big fan of the pick-your-battles outlook. Some things are *not* worth fighting over. Some most definitely are.
I’ve also got kids who have experienced our fluctuating income/wealth over the years. You have to hope they’ll pick something up from the journey, as well as the destination, right..?
OK – I’m hopping over to Facebook now to take a look at your page.
Take it easy Jack!
Sean
@google-586c115d59d459380fed638ec3bdeda3:disqus
Hi Sean, welcome to the blog. I know it is a rough time for quite a few of us which is part of why I wrote this. I am not afraid to say things are hard now because they won’t always be this way.
And the reason they won’t is because smart people will do what they have to do to find resources to help each other. One of the things I like about the community that hangs out here is that it is filled with supportive people.
Can’t fight every battle, even though we might want to, and believe me, I want to. 😉
Hope you have a good day and that you come visit again.
Well, you’re not alone in that regard, as I know you know. I got royally fucked last year (like, could have sued fucked) and was just barely digging myself outta that hole this summer when I got fucked again! Wheee! I hate what it does to my son, and try and shield it from him, but he knows. And part of me thinks it’s a good learning experience for him. Ha! And like you, we have shelter, and food, and clothes, but I laid awake all night last night worrying about the fact that my overdraft os over it’s limit. Sigh. This too shall pass, yadda yadda. And my amazing friends – including yourself sir – are what helps me get through each day. Hugs, LB
I want to help you get through each day too:) When are we gonna Skype @3ef090d85bb5a64165270e65d5a13318:disqus ?
@3ef090d85bb5a64165270e65d5a13318:disqus I had grounds for a lawsuit but didn’t pursue it because it would have given life to something that needed to die. It wasn’t easy to walk, I am a fighter and you don’t get a free shot.
However there are moments where fighting just causes us to wallow in the places we wish to forget about.
This is rough, but there is much truth to the benefits that can come from it. The kids will see us fight through and recognize that quitting isn’t an option. They’ll know more about how to weather storms and have a greater appreciation, or so I think.
We are all in it together, you, me and Tom. 😉
Oh I hear you on this one. Not only did I get fucked, I KEEP getting fucked. So…nothing more clear to me that we weren’t meant for those things and are meant for something else. If the something else wasn’t so important, the Uni wouldn’t have shown up to fuck us right out of our wrong life. It also won’t leave us high and dry, struggling, forever. Sooner or later the skies will part and the beam of light will shine down upon us. Assuming we keep at it.
@JulieAClearSign:disqus After reading your most recent post I can say without question that you have been smacked pretty good. But like you said if you keep moving daylight will come.