Have you ever had a conversation where you felt like you spent the majority of your time fighting to get a word in edgewise? My guess is that more than a few people can relate to this and the frustration it causes.
A conversation isn’t supposed to be a monologue.
It is supposed to involve more than one person in the discussion but sometimes that doesn’t happen. Should you ever have the occasion to have said conversation with me please understand that if you dominate the entire thing and show no interest in my thoughts I am going to day dream about shoving something large inside your gaping maw so that I can take my turn at the jibber-jabber.
Your 187th favorite curmudgeon is tired of these battles. He is tired of feeling like the other person doesn’t care about his thoughts or opinion which is why he sometimes just ends the conversation and walks away. Or if that is not possible he gets lost in thought about shoving the aforementioned large object into the other person’s mouth.
Two Ears and One Mouth
There is a reason why we have two ears and just one mouth– it is to listen twice as much as we speak.
Ok, I am not the first person to say that nor will I be the last but it is worth remembering. If you want to tie it into social media you can think about whether your are using the various platforms you are for engagement or for broadcast.
If all you do is broadcast you are missing out on a tremendous opportunity to meet people. If you are broadcasting for business you are really blowing an opportunity to engage with prospects and existing customers.
I have been making an effort to police my own talking habits too. There is no purpose or point in climbing up on a soapbox to complain about these things unless I hold myself to the same standards.
So I am working to be conscious of these things and to make a point to do more than ask people how they are doing. If I ask I listen to their response. It drives me crazy when people ask me how I am and then ignore my response.
If you don’t want to know than don’t ask. It is fine with me to say hi and leave it at that, but to ask and ignore is obnoxious.
I have also noticed that your 187th favorite curmudgeon is growing less interested in small talk and is often more interested in silence and referring to himself in the third person, twice removed.
Don’t bother trying to figure out what the third person twice removed is, this is what happens when I do higher math after midnight.
On a serious note, I really do dislike discussions with people in which I have to fight to get a chance to speak. It is obnoxious.
But some people are so enamored with the sound of their own voice they can’t seem to shut their mouths long enough to listen and hear what others are saying.
That is annoying! But usually you can tune them out and they won’t even notice 😉
Hi Stacie,
It would be great if we could show them a film of them talking and us tuning out. Wonder if that would affect their behavior.
Yes, yep and yeah to that one too. I feel bad when I wander off when people are talking to me and they ask what I think and I’m not sure what to say. I always feels like the guys in the movie Half-Baked where the cops give them this big speech about what they’re suppose to do and then the cops say, ‘hey are you listening?’ and Jim Brewer laughs and goes “no.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to laugh and say “no” when someone asks me if I’m listening.
Hi Penney,
I have done it a few times that I can think of. Got fed up with someone who refused to listen to me but expected I would hang on their every word. So when they asked what I thought I said I had no idea because I wasn’t paying attention. I did tell them why I did it, but I am not sure if they thought of it as merely tit for tat, but sometimes you have to draw that line in the sand.
I have found myself on the recieving end of someone’s monologue more than I can stand lately. As you say, it’s particularlly annoying when they ask for an opinion but refuse to shut up long enough to allow you to give it.
I hate that. Don’t bother asking the question unless you want to know the answer.
Listening to what you’re saying yourself is a good start – it always makes me long to shut up when I realise what rubbish I’ve been spouting!
Sue
Hi Sue,
It is important. It is embarrassing sometimes to hear what comes out.
I believe it was Robin Sharma who said: “Listen with the intention of understanding, not responding”, and Lance Secretan who wrote “Please be with me and live in my Moment instead of your future.” Things I do. Cheers! Kaarina
I love those quotes. Understanding and not responding is so important. How many times does a conversation get derailed because the “listener” decided they knew what to say before you finished your thought.
I like the red shoes in the pic. Very Chic. European.
Face to face, I tend to listen more. Bill Dorman even joked that I’m the new Silent Bob when he saw me in the recent Heckler’s hangout on Youtube.
Others may complain that I ask why and how too much in our conversations. They also complain that a conversation with me is like a trip to the psychoanalyst. [helpless shrug]
Online, reading is listening. Or so I’d like to imagine. But timing is important for conversations and I admit that I don’t make enough time for chats and gossip. [grin]
Hi Stan,
Online reading is listening, that is how I see it. But face to face is something that I really notice, in large part ‘cuz I seem to interact an awful lot with people who don’t listen.
Guilty. It’s cousin (thrice removed?) is giving your own example of how you can relate, in a one upmanship kind of way. There probably should be a batter balance between “listening only” and “talking only.”
I hate that. It irks me.
“Ooh, I had surgery too except mine was different from yours because my surgeon was drunk” blah, blah, blah. The one upmanship sucks,