The Right Words don’t always flow from my fingertips with the kind of ease I want, need or require. Sometimes I have to do more than sit at the keyboard and start typing.
Sometimes I close my eyes and revisit the hard, painful and frustrating moments and sometimes I take a look back at the funny. Most of the time both ways work for me but for some reason the painful ones are more agile and adept at breaking free of the cages I keep them in and so we get to spend together again.
The Right Words Written Right Write Their Own Tales or so I have often said.
No One Wants To Read A Dad Blog
Every so often I am told by a good natured soul I shouldn’t be writing a dad blog because no one really cares about your personal life.
They tell me I should focus on the business side because posts about what is killing Twitter are more likely to position me as an expert on social media and lead to work.
But I don’t listen to those folks because my experiences here have taught me otherwise.
If I told you about the 18 month battle to save my house, how I lost my job, applied for positions loading/unloading trucks, begged the guy at Target for a job and drained a large portion of my retirement to keep my family clothed, fed and sheltered some of you would nod your head because you get it.
When I talked about how it changed me, how hard it was and how the bank never denied nor approved my loan modification you’d nod your head again.
And maybe, just maybe you’d understand a bit better the under current of anger that used to flow between the lines.
The Only Way To Go Is Through
Maybe you’d understand that it is only now that I can write about some of this because things are substantially better and enough time has passed I don’t feel like I am drinking poison.
Sometimes I look back on those moments with pride because I did what parents do…protected my children. I took a beating every day to do it, but I did it.
There are moments when I think about it and wonder why I didn’t make certain choices sooner. Wonder why I didn’t sell the house sooner or why I didn’t do XYZ and then I shrug my shoulders because there is no point in that kind of thinking.
I consulted the Magic 8 Ball more than once and it never told me to do other than I did.
One time when I was talking to the 187nd person who was supposedly helping me I got so fed up I screamed into the phone. I just let go and dished out all of my anger and pain and did my best to try to make him feel badly.
I wanted him to get off the phone and think about whether it would be more fun to play in traffic or have a colonoscopy without anesthesia.
Why?
Because he told me that maybe I should have tried harder to get a job and suggested that if I had been more responsible I wouldn’t have needed to be on the phone with him.
Sometimes when you find yourself visiting hell the only way out is to go through.
What Comes Next
I used to spend a lot of time wondering why and asking myself what comes next. Sometimes when I think about the time right after we sold the house I wonder if I was in a movie.
That is because one of my brother-in-laws got sick and ended up on life support. I’ll never forget talking to my 5 year-old nephew about his daddy or trying to help my little sister not lose it.
Nor will I forget how another sister slipped on the curb and knocked herself unconscious. She ended up in the hospital for several days. Little sister was unresponsive for a bit, eyes were open but she didn’t respond to anyone and for a short while we wondered if she had been mugged.
I remember those days.
Little sister recovered and is fine and so is my brother-in-law,
What came next is that things got better, but it took some time and some doing to get there.
No One Wants To Read A Dad Blog
A few years ago a post like this would have gotten at least 25 comments, potentially many more. But now I wouldn’t be surprised if it receives very few, but in spite of what the well meaning experts say it won’t be because no one wants to read a dad blog.
It will be because of multiple platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and G+) that have taken people away from the comments section. It will be because comments are just down across the board.
But it won’t be because no one wants to read a dad blog.
What do you think?
Tremendous post, Jack. I’m very happy to read your Dad blog and its superior content.
What may kill Twitter is second rate to what keeps us getting up from being knocked down and moving forward. And you do it so well.
Thank you Joe. Two choices, move forward or lie down in the dirt. I love a good nap but that dirt one isn’t interesting to me.
Hi Jack,
I saw your blog from your comment on Tim’s blog. So this is the first time I visit here.
What do you mean by no one reads Dad Blog? Of course people are going to read any blog if the blog has good content and valuable. This is just my thoughts 😉
Thank you for sharing your story, Jack.
I’ve read it!
Regards,
Nanda
I think people want to read good, not overly SEO’ed writing no matter where it’s coming from–moms, dads, etc. People come from your honesty and you do a great job sharing your stories. And hi! We haven’t seen each other in awhile. 😉
Hi Nina,
It is good to see you too, hope life has been treating you well. Authenticity is important, it is sort of the secret sauce I think.
Hey Jack,
Do you know what the funny thing is my friend! The moment I stopped listening to the “experts” about how I was suppose to write my blog started getting more attention. Isn’t that funny how people actually appreciated hearing from me, the person instead of just writing how to posts continuously.
Man, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of that crap. Seriously, I can’t even imagine what a strain that can be on you and your family. I’m glad to hear things are better as well as with your brother-in-law and sister.
One thing I’ve learned about you Jack since I met you is you really don’t care what other people think. You just write because it’s your love. I know as bloggers we all want people to read what we share and hopefully will add to the conversation by commenting. I don’t think though that if that doesn’t happen it won’t stop you from writing so I have a feeling there are plenty of people interested in reading your blog. They just might not always comment.
Hang in there my friend and keep up the excellent work. Happy Valentine’s Day by the way.
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne,
It is good to see you. You are definitely a model for how to blog. There is no doubt that you have figured out how to create a community and your blog shows it every time you post.
Yeah, the damn banks and things that happened made life uncomfortable for a while, I sometimes wondered if things could get much worse. I knew that it could, but it was hard not to wonder at times.
Any way things got better so that is all behind now.
And yes, I write regardless of comments or not, can’t help it. I just love to write. Always good to see you here.
As Bukowski said: “What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.” And unfortunately – occasionally – how many people read about how well you walked through the fire. Thanks for sharing the story though. I still read dad blogs. But, of course, I’m biased.
Walking through the fire is part of how we come up with the best stories, or so I often tell myself.
I always want to read your dad blog, that’s a fact. Great read and a brilliantly quick look at what you’ve been through and overcome. If you line words up in a row, I’ll read them JackB. I love your voice.
Hi Bill,
That is very kind and much appreciated.
FWIW: I read to the end.
FWIW: I don’t think there are enough actually well done dad blogs, and that’s why people think they are not worth reading. If we all worked harder to be better instead of looking for numbers and chasing shortcuts (not pointing fingers, it’s the curse of all bloggers in any niche) that would change.
Hi Drew,
Writing is subjective. Some people love Hemingway and some hate him. With 190 billion blogs there are going to be some lousy ones for certain. Chasing numbers doesn’t help, so I am right with you there.
There is a radio commercial here that begins,”Thank you for being responsible and continuing to pay your mortgage…” and goes on to say how you can refi your mortgage to reduce it to current value (about 1/3 of what it was when you bought it, around here).
Every time I hear it I get so angry I have to change the station.
So yes, I understand exactly what you went through and no, after 3 years of trying we never got an answer from the bank, either.
Still, I can guess why you and I went through it and why people get sick and then get better and some other things.
Man, it just makes me so damn angry to hear some of that crap so I hear you. But, it is over so there is that.
True enough, sir — we face the truth that the blog comment is all but dead. We look to social media and everywhere else for the engagement, which is amusing in its own right, since these sites are the only digital content we truly own.
I think in light of how well mommy bloggers have done for themselves these past years, the father blogger is making a comeback. Maybe we won’t have oodles of comments on our blogs, no, but we’ll be brought to the table with brands who want to market to men. We’ll be considered influencers in our households and not left out in the cold because we happen to have a Y chromosome. The world’s changing, and those of us who use our voices will learn to adapt.
I respect your journey, and I know despite all the challenges and tests of character you’ve had to go through that they’ve prepared you for a future that you’ll make yours.
Because you are likely one of the few who realize that we have no other choice.
Kudos, sir,
–case
Hi Case,
We are definitely on the move. Dad bloggers have been around for a long time, but we just never got organized for some of this the way the moms have. But that has changed and you are right, we are on the move.