The 69 Scary Reasons Halloween Should Be Banned

Frank Sinatra is singing about luck being a lady tonight and I am thinking it has been a while since Vegas enjoyed the pleasure of my company.

Back in the day it was a four five hour ride from college and the boys and I went more than a few times. That was in the good old days before going to college made me feel old and it cost $50 bucks for a night at Caesar’s Palace.

That was long before that desert town was overwhelmed by corporate interests, adults who used it as their version of Disneyland and the tourist agencies started promoting the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas line.

We didn’t need to be told to keep our mouths shut about the things we did there then because we knew better. Some of those tales would fall into the scary stories you tell on a Halloween night to friends who ooh and ah and wonder how you made it back without harm.

It was during those years that my almost 90 year-old aunt her 100 year-old boyfriend lived off the strip and complained about the tourists who would come screw up their card games.

She was four foot nothing, feisty and fearless. If you pissed her off she had no problem telling you that you were a fool and I of course loved nothing more than teasing her.

“You learned some bad habits from that grandfather of yours.”

“Yeah, I sure did, didn’t I.”

“Don’t bad mouth your grandfather, my little brother is a wonderful man.”

Sometimes I miss those conversations. She and the boyfriend went for a drive one night and some other driver took them out, luck wasn’t much of a lady that night.

The 69 Scary Reasons Halloween Should Be Banned

Wandered through a grocery store picking up some odds and ends and heard some lady tell her friend that guy “Obama better do something so more people don’t get  ‘the Ebola.'”

Listened in as the guy checking out the cantaloupes told them “Obama ought to focus on teaching the gun nuts in Texas to keep their weapons in their pants and not bring them to school” and wondered where the hell he is getting his news.

Almost told them both to be very worried because come Friday night All Hallow’s Eve will be here and gun nuts from Texas will be roaming our streets, while crazy people from cleveland set fire to our rivers and fools from D.C. open the borders and invite people with ‘the Ebola’ to come roam through the streets infecting people.

Then with a big flourish I’d finish by telling them I had 69 scary reasons that Halloween should be banned. Might even add a maniacal laugh and then draw my shirt across my face like it was a cape and slowly walk away.

My big hope there would be for some brave soul to ask me to list all 69 scary reasons and that they would be willing to stand and listen as I came up with them.

I don’t have 69 scary reasons why Halloween should be banned but if I wanted to I could come up with them. I could blog about Jack Steiner the dad blogger from Los Angeles and Fort Worth who tried keyword stuffing his post on Halloween not because he expected it to work but because he could.

Intermission

• Come Monday– Jimmy Buffet
• Come Live With Me– Ray Charles
• Tougher Than The Rest– Bruce Springsteen
• Revolution 1– The Beatles
• She Sells Sanctuary– The Cult

There is a girl in the other room calling my name now. She says “Daddy, I am bored” and expects me to come running. I tell her to go read a book and I’ll find her shortly.

She asks me how long shortly is and I tell her it is shorter than forever and sooner than later.

“Daddy, I want a straight answer.”

“Ok, get a ruler or my level and figure it out.”

She mutters something under her breath and I give her a look that freezes her in place.

“You know I am only kidding daddy.”

“I don’t know what you said but I am not kidding about that. I love you and I will spend time with you but I need a few minutes to clear my head and you need to finish reading that book for school.”

She nods her head and skips out of the room. I love that skip, it is pure joy and a sign she is happy.

One day she’ll be too busy living her life to want to spend time with me and I’ll miss these moments but those days have yet to come and she really does have to read for school.

In a few moments this post will come to its conclusion and I’ll grab a book or magazine and read next to her. When she asks me what I was writing about I’ll tell her it was 69 scary reasons to ban Halloween she’ll yell at me and say it should never be banned.

I’ll laugh and hug her and a few minutes later if the stories I am reading don’t grab me I’ll think about that one time in Vegas and smile.