The Shmata Queen says I love quotes and I won’t disagree because I do.
Some of it is because I love words and stories and looking for ways to connect them all but it is also because I love learning.
A good quote doesn’t have to have any substance to it. Sometimes it is just funny but my favorites are usually those that give me something to think about and learn from.
Will You Always Need Your Father
There is no punctuation at the end of that line. It is intentional because I am not sure how I want to it to read yet and even if I come up with an answer I may leave it for the reader to decide what should be there.
Yesterday I called my father and asked for some help. I wanted to borrow a couple of tools so that I could work on some projects at my house and I wanted to talk to him about some of the other crap that has been going on in my life.
Dad and I have always had a good relationship but like any parent/child relationship there have been moments where we wanted to kill each other.
Most of them are long ago but there have been a few in recent years that have been far more difficult probably because when you hit your mid forties you are less tolerant of some things.
Still I will never forget The Best Thing My Father Ever Said To Me not just because of how good it was to hear but I recognized I could ask dad for advice or just chew the fat with him without wondering if he was going to give me a lecture about how or what I was doing.
Indulge me for a moment while I mention that it was my friend Leon of The People We Meet Online fame who provided me with an article about parenting that I used as part of the post about the best thing my father ever said to me.
It really is too bad Leon is gone because I would have written him today to mention his influence again and how it ties into the Mark Twain quote above but such is life, sometimes we miss opportunities.
*****
Dad surprised me again yesterday by telling me I am putting too much pressure on myself and pushing me to slow down a bit.
When I told him some of this is his fault and that I am reflecting the lessons I learned as a kid and teenager he laughed.
“Yeah, I told you to take responsibility for your life and to work hard. I told you to run through the walls when you had to and push hard but it’s different now.”
When I asked him what was different he told me that  thirty years ago he worried about giving me too much leeway to not work hard and family history bit me again.
“Remember when you were tested in school and we found out that you were gifted? You stopped working as hard in school and you took some shortcuts. Your grades were still good but you didn’t always apply yourself the way you could have and I didn’t want that to continue.”
I looked at him and shook my head.
“C’mon dad, that didn’t always happen.”
He laughed.
“No, not always. When you wanted something you worked harder than everyone but you were stuck in the too smart but not smart enough contradiction. If you put that effort in consistently your grades would have reflected it. But that is in the past and there is no point discussing it.
The point is that some of the stuff you are going through now has nothing to do with you as a person. Not one thing is tied into you other than you are experiencing it. So you need to figure out how to dial back that intensity or you’ll make yourself sick.”
Dad and I went back and forth for a bit and talked a bit about his dad and grandfather and what they would have said and then I left.
The sunshine of the prior days had been replaced with rain which lent itself to thinking so I drove around the corner and parked the car to consider it all.
Dad had mentioned how sometimes he missed talking to his dad and I thought about how my grandfather had mentioned he missed talking to his.
It made sense to me. All of my friends who have lost their fathers have told me they miss them. I hope to get another 50 years before I join that club.
Books, Wisdom & Fathers
A few moments before I left my parents’ house I asked to borrow a computer because it is easier on my eyes.
Mom asked if I have started using reading glasses and I told her only when I am very tired or in very poor lighting.
She smiled and told me not to tell my middle sister because “she is blind without her reading glasses. I don’t think she likes being in her forties.”
I laughed and said I was on the fence. Some of it has been rough and some of it has been awesome.
****
Reading is a passion and I never have enough time for it.
I have a stack of books and magazines on hand at home at all times. Outside of the house I rely on my phone and apps or laptop if I have taken it with me.
Given a choice I prefer to be surrounded by books because like Twain said I can’t help but feel like wisdom and knowledge is seeping into me.
That is part of what fathers are good for. Repositories of knowledge and wisdom that can be shared for whomever is wise enough to ask and understand.
It is definitely interesting how my relationship with my father has grown over the years. We went through a rocky stage when I was in high school and college but now, the two of us have a relationship that most father and sons have.
We still have a ways to go. I want him to start giving me the fatherly advice that he has never given me.
@therookiedad:disqus I hope it continues to develop and grow into something that is substantial and rewarding for both of you.
That headline has a question mark (at least the way I see things) I miss my dad more and more each passing year that he is gone. I wind up writing about him pretty often. The last time I did, I wrote about his gray sweater that he wore every single day.
I guess that is what love is. It is missing them in those small things. Your father sounds like a wise man. I also feel like I know him through all the posts you have done that mention him.
@disqus_B72EjjbJxz:disqus The small things make up the fabric of a person. Sure the big things are often what juts out at us, but the little ones, there is something to them.
Sometimes I think that is where we really learn about a person and who they are.
Wise advice from pops. I could use it about now as well.
@Lardavbern:disqus You are welcome to share and use it too. It is sensible which is why I’ll probably ignore it. Life is better when we do things the hard way. 😉
Yes, yes, and also yes. Tough to slow down isn’t it? And tough to let go of the first things we were ever told; sometimes I think we hang on just because they were the first things. But things change. Makes me think of all this buzz humming efficiency we’ve given ourselves these days. Seems to me little has changed. We still work ourselves to death. Now we just do it more efficiently.
(I rambled. The point is: yes.)
@briansorrell:disqus it is hard to slow down and not just because of the whole physics aspect of an object in motion. It is a US objective, the working ourselves to death part.