Do You Need A Reason To Blog?

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A woman once looked me in the eye and asked me to explain myself to her.

“I am not that great, I don’t understand why you have a thing for me.”

I told her she was acting like an idiot and to shut up which if you know me says something because “shut up” is one of those expressions that sets me off.

Don’t know why, but if you tell me to “shut up” there is a good chance you are going to find a less than friendly Taurus looking to catch you on his horns, but only after he has thoroughly trampled you.

I am not prude and I swear like a sailor but that is just one thing that makes me see red.

So when I used it, well that was me trying to tell her that I found the question beyond ridiculous. I didn’t spend my time looking at her flaws and faults and believe me I knew what they were.

They didn’t matter because I accepted her, all of her for who she was and what she meant to me.

That is not always easy for people to do. We don’t just lie to others, we lie to ourselves.

Don’t misunderstand that to mean that I think everyone is a liar or that we never tell the truth because that is not it at all.

But I do think we spend a fair amount of time glossing over some things because it is polite and or easier.

So ask me do you need a reason to blog and I just might quote Dostoyevsky.

Â â€œAbove all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.â€
â€• Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

I Need To Write More

Don’t know about you, but I need to write more.

Some of it is because writing is where I clear my mind and clear the mess between my ears.

Writing is always where I figure out what I think and believe or at least where I come to accept it. Something about reading what I think crystallizes and clarifies it all for me.

Been reading more than I have in a long time and am grateful for that because it is part of becoming a better writer and better storyteller but it is not enough.

Writing is required, more than I am doing.

Twenty-five years or so ago when I was responsible for myself and no one else I spent hours in the gym.

I loved it and when I didn’t make time for lifting I missed it, made me grumpy.

Part of what I loved was feeling myself get stronger and knowing that if I pushed a bit I’d get past whatever plateau I had reached.

That is how it feels now.

Haunting Photos

It is Memorial Day weekend and IÂ have come across the usual posts about giving thanks to our servicemen, especially the families of those who fell.

I do and I appreciate all that they have done.

But sometimes I think we need to look at some of these photos and be reminded in starker detail about who bears the cost.

My share is limited to however my tax contribution breaks down but it is not the same as the parents, siblings, children and spouses who lost a loved one.

Somewhere in the archives here is a shot I took of a moment at Newark.

In the midst of walking through the airport I noticed everything had stopped and it only took a moment to see why.

I looked out the window and saw the coffins being offloaded from a plane, men in uniform saluting, tears falling down faces of some of the people around me.

Can’t say if they were family or friends of the deceased or just moved by what they saw, just know they were there.

Couldn’t help but think about how awful that must feel and stared at my then 11 year-old son and prayed he’d never have to go off to fight.

All these years later I realize he is just a few years away from signing up for Selective Service and though there is no draft, it is impossible not to think about it just a little bit.

Not going to worry about what isn’t relevant now, but it doesn’t mean it won’t cross my mind from time to time.

I was one of those children who wanted to be an astronaut. Don’t remember being interested in being a cop or fireman but it wasn’t because I thought poorly of them.

I just liked the idea of being in outer space or a professional baseball player better.

I still want to go into space, still want to explore the final frontier and find out what lies out in the deep and the dark.

Still curious to see what it feels like to be weightless and to enjoy the benefits that come with it all.