It is a serious question. How far would you go to save someones life. What are you willing to do? If someone you knew was engaging in dangerous behavior what would you do to try and change it.
Let’s change the scenario. Imagine that someone you know has serious health issues. Imagine that they are not doing a good job of taking care of them and that by doing this they are compromising their health.
Imagine that in spite of your best efforts to help them they still continue to engage in this harmful behavior. It is not illegal. It is not dangerous to anyone other than themselves. But still because you love them dearly the pain of watching them dance upon the head of a pin is insufferable.
Do you rationalize it all and say that unless they want to change it just doesn’t matter. Or do you do everything you can think of; beg, plead, scream, berate, bully and discuss in the hope that something you say will have an impact.
If you try and fail will there be consequences that you cannot live with. Or would you be more afraid of what happened if you didn’t try.
Good comments. Thank you all.t
When people are in denial, often they are able to rationalize the entreaties of their loved ones as isolated incidents. They come up with reasons and justifications. They put up their armor, and they repel all the attacks against that armor.
I would use the analogy of every action scene in every movie, where the hero is surrounded by bad guys. The bad guys attack one by one and the hero handily defeats them – whereas if they had just all attacked at once, they would have been much more effective!
What I’m suggesting is an Intervention. They don’t always work, but they can often achieve breakthroughs were countless solo appeals have failed. Get together with other people who feel the same way you do, and figure out a time and place to “ambush” the person you’re trying to convince. Appeal to them as a unified group. Explain how their actions are hurting those around them, not just themself.
And if the intervention fails… you have no choice but to wash your hands of it and realize you did your best. You can stop trying to convince them and finally move on. Some people just cannot be helped, and any further pressure would likely be counterproductive. But that doesn’t mean you have to abandon them either, or cease being around them; what it does mean you can have a clear conscience knowing you did all they could.
I am very familiar with this state of affairs. My mother pretty much smoked and stressed herself to death and I also have a friend who will not quit smoking. I have found that you can go ahead and plead and beg and bribe, and then you have to give up and know you did your best. People do not change unless they want to.
I just stumbled on to your blogg by accident while looking up a word (besheret) on google. I have to say that so far you have changed me – and my state of mind – from smiling to pensative, back to smiling, only to be buried deep in thought again. (Also, your answer to that hot air ballon question on your profile had me down right laughing out loud. Avoiding cacti and other prickly things in that situation would definitely be the most logical and best thing to do. *smiles again*)
I am going to keep checking back, Shaie.