Kissing

The big guy who helps run this joint has become interested in kissing. He routinely tells me that it is gross and that he never wants to do it. But every now and then he’ll approach me and ask if I like to kiss girls and why.

I tempted fate once by telling him that if he does a proper job of kissing a girl he can leave the seat up all the time and gain a maid and personal shopper. Men, learn from my experience, don’t say this thing in range of women who wear pointy shoes or have heavy purses. Those things leave a dent in the old melon.

But because I push my luck I once said that kissing is a necessary evil called foreplay. This in turn generated the question of “does that mean that I get to kiss and play with four girls at once.” I said something to the effect of it only works that way if you are Hugh Hefner.

Anyhoo I have attempted to try and explain to the young lad that kissing is an exercise that can blow your mind, but only if you are kissing the right person. Because when you have that sort of chemistry it is an organic experience that is worth doing over and over again. In fact a good kiss has been the reason why I got onto an airplane to fly untold miles to experience that again.

It was a life changing kiss that one. It was the sort of kiss that you find unsettling. It is so good that you can’t help but ask yourself it is real. And if you are like me you open your eyes in the middle and find her staring back at you. At that point in time you reach into your pocket and hand her a breath mint. Don’t forget to duck.

But on a serious note it was the kind of thing that spoke of unlimited potential. The kind of kiss that makes it clear to yourself that if you don’t pursue the situation further you will forever be known by the moniker of “Super Schmuck” because only a super schmuck would walk away from that. There are some things in life that you can dream of and experience. And some experiences that are so good they are a dream.

Before I forget today’s lucky numbers are as follows:

1 15 03 8 31 68 5 9 69

If you share that combination of numbers than you are guaranteed a chance to engage in the most incredible and amazing experience you have ever had. Sheer bliss.

I hate to walk away and leave this post half done, but I have to attend to putting a young child back to bed.