The Pressures of Parenthood

Something is off and I can’t quite figure out what it is. Must be my Mojo. That crazy broad the Shmata Queen must have run off with it or hidden it. I hate when that happens.

Fortunately I have a spare. Actually I have more than a few that I keep secured in a secret vault that she doesn’t have access to. I don’t mind mentioning this because she is on a secret mission and is not currently reading this. And even if she comes back early from her hiatus it won’t matter because by that point I’ll have reacquired my mojo.

That mojo thing is important. It is part of what keeps me going. It is part of how I deal with the pressures of parenthood. It helps keep me balanced.

When my oldest was born I kept looking for the manual that comes with babies. It is not like I was going to read it. I am a man. We don’t ask for directions, we just find our way.

I suppose that there might be a nugget or two of useful information in that manual. Maybe there is a section that provides instruction for how to deal with trying to launch a new business during hard economic times. Or a section that tells you what to do when dealing with a crazy woman.

Actually there is a big yellow book at Borders, called “Women for Dummies” but why would I bother with that. In case you haven’t noticed, when I find myself in a hole I just keep digging. If I stick at it I’ll eventually find myself in China at which point I’ll set up a new import/export business.

Hey, speaking of China do you think that Marco Polo had any idea that one day he’d be turned into a game we play in swimming pools.

I am rambling. I do it often and I do it well. I do it when I am happy and when I am stressed out. And now I am stressed out.

The new business is in the very early stages. It is like a little fetus except a fetus has more protection than this does. Every day I look in the mirror and ask myself if now is the right time to do this. Two kids in private school and a mortgage suggest that it is absolutely the worst time.

Then again the economy is terrible. Every day businesses are going under, people are losing their homes and things are generally less stable than they could be. And that tells me that now is a good time to try.

Why? Because I like going against the grain. I like swimming upstream. Some people do it the easy way and then there is Jack, he does it the hard way. Did I mention that I have a second business I want to try and launch now.

Last night I sat and watched the dark haired beauty sleep. Long black curls strewn across a pixie doll face that was the picture of innocence. I sat and thought about her and wondered what sort of woman she is going to become. She tells me that when I am really old I am going to come live with her so that she can take care of me.

The thought made me smile. She doesn’t realize that when she was born I promised to take care of her for her entire life. And if nothing else I have another couple of decades before she’ll be old enough to handle herself.

I made my way over to her check on her brother and marveled over the sleeping giant. He is huge now. Ok, he is normal size for his age, but he looks huge to me. He is big enough to make wrestling more challenging. It used to be effortless, now, I need to pay a little attention to it.

He asked me if I would ever have a job where we could work together. I shrugged and told him that it might happen one day. Haven’t a clue if the businesses I am working on now will be of any interest to him. Right now I just hope that they’ll be successful us to merit the opportunity.

I can’t help but wonder if it is a mistake going this route. I can’t help but wonder if I should focus on the corporate world. Work for a company that is stable, offers a strong compensation package that includes benefits. Would it provide more security. Would it be better for my family. Am I am taking on unnecessary risk by doing this now.

In theory this is something that I should have tried before the kids came along. Would have been a hell of  a lot easier. But I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the skill set that I have now and more importantly I didn’t have the mental toughness.

I am comfortable and confident saying that. It is true. So in some ways now really is the right time to try, but I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a bit nervous.

The one thing that I know for certain is that a year from now life is going to be different, I just don’t know exactly how different it will be.