Father’s Day was a mix of awful distilled with some spots of amazing. It was easily among the worst that I have experienced. I tried to figure out if it was worse than the one that surrounded this time of my life but I am not sure. It is too hard to compare those moments. Both of them have been exceptionally challenging but for very different reasons.
I think that the main difference is that last time I was really concerned about my father dying and this time I am just really….angry. I keep referring to this anger and touching upon it with cryptic commentary but I never quite spell it out. I have been trying to figure that out too. Been trying to figure out why I am willing to almost say what it is but not quite. It is not because writing it down will make it any more real to me. I am not in denial- I am fully aware of what is going on. That is part of why I am so very angry.
Maybe it is because I am fighting not to focus upon it. Maybe it is because I am tired of the sound of my own voice and done with being angry. Well, that would work…except I am still angry. And that anger has made me impatient and intolerant of many things which is part of why today was such a pain in my ass. I am still not quite ready to share all that is happening so I am going to shift gears and share some other thoughts with you.
I keep listening to this song. My taste in music is pretty broad but I wouldn’t say that Eminem is among my favorites. Spent a lot of time listening to Social Distortion too.
Songs like I Was Wrong and 99 to Life have been regulars on my playlist. Not to mention Goodbye by Emmylou Harris, Dylan singing Forever Young and What Is and What Should Never Be by Led Zeppelin. There are lots of others but I think that you get the idea, more or less.
Sometimes I grow quite tired with all of the posts about how to become a better blogger, especially by those who have barely been blogging. Is it my place to tell you that you don’t know what you are talking about and that you are second rate hacks preying upon low hanging fruit. Probably not. Probably not fair of me to do so, not when I write that there are multiple ways to be successful in blogging. Not when I write my own share of posts that provide tips for becoming a better blogger. But than again who says that I can’t complain about those posts in which people list 5 things that people can do to become better bloggers.
Really, who says that I shouldn’t ask them to try to come up with something new. Who says that I shouldn’t point out that they would be better served coming up with an angle that others haven’t already written about. Is it wrong of me to ask some of them to consider using a formula like Feature/Function/Benefit to help illustrate their points.
Or more importantly am I wrong to remind them a well written post has a beginning, middle and end. After all I am guilty of bad blogging too.
Father’s Day was hard for a variety of reasons. One was that I felt badly for my kids. They made breakfast in bed for me and worked hard to try to spoil me and I was/am appreciative of it. But some of this outside crap crept in and  I had a hard time separating from it so I barked at them a few times a little bit more harshly and loudly than they deserved.  But I suppose that some of this is to be expected because transitions are often rough- even when you try to make them smooth. They are rough because it is easy to be anxious about change.
More on this to come later. It has grown quite late and the bed calls out to me. Coming soon is a big giveaway for  a Select Comfort pillow, posts about parenting, more great cover letters and a list of reasons why you can’t stop reading this blog. Night all, see you in about four hours.
@Soulati The Hallmark holidays are precisely why I refuse to acknowledge Valentine’s Day. It is just ridiculous.
I hate the Hallmark holidays, The Jack. It pressures our children to do for us, and forces us to show appreciation. Sometimes, it just ain’t there. It’s funny, I was just informed by my 9 year old that she thinks it’s “creepy” to see mom laugh and have fun. She’d rather I bark; I guess she’s more used to that.
I have always liked that song.
One day. I appreciate it. Thank you.
This song is for you, Jack.
This song is for you, Jack.
Sounds like quite a firestorm of a day. It sounds as if you are just not ready to share–you will be one day, maybe. And we will all be here to listen (read) when and if you do.Â
Sounds like quite a firestorm of a day. It sounds as if you are just not ready to share–you will be one day, maybe. And we will all be here to listen (read) when and if you do.Â
Jack I hope you have calmed down and forgive yourself.
@google-95a00d885c40e61d3971be07f0566791:disqus Nah, forgiveness won’t come for a while- but it will come. Best analogy I have is that I am in the midst of a 24 hour race and can’t stop now to let the blisters heal.
So I push past the pain/fatigue so that I can get to that end. Then I can rest and sort it out. Impatient for that day, but can’t push harder or faster which is part of why I am frustrated.
Jack I hope you have calmed down and forgive yourself.
@google-95a00d885c40e61d3971be07f0566791:disqus Nah, forgiveness won’t come for a while- but it will come. Best analogy I have is that I am in the midst of a 24 hour race and can’t stop now to let the blisters heal.
So I push past the pain/fatigue so that I can get to that end. Then I can rest and sort it out. Impatient for that day, but can’t push harder or faster which is part of why I am frustrated.
Prehaps it’s because you don’t want to come down here with your anger, trying to prove something to yourself. It’s a world you already understand too well to do that.
@0aff57de57d0436ca6b321ff76424fae:disqus I struck the rock when I should have just believed. I am slow that way sometimes. Limited control doesn’t mean “out of” and sometimes all you can do is ride out the storm and wait.
Anger only goes so far.
Prehaps it’s because you don’t want to come down here with your anger, trying to prove something to yourself. It’s a world you already understand too well to do that.
@0aff57de57d0436ca6b321ff76424fae:disqus I struck the rock when I should have just believed. I am slow that way sometimes. Limited control doesn’t mean “out of” and sometimes all you can do is ride out the storm and wait.
Anger only goes so far.
Interesting how a square on the calendar can cause such scattershot introspection. Hope you slept well …
@14d1d152b8d07b20e99c70107d564ba8:disqus I generally sleep like a baby. Might not get as many hours as I’d like, but it was good.
I like the image of a square on the calendar.
Interesting how a square on the calendar can cause such scattershot introspection. Hope you slept well …
@14d1d152b8d07b20e99c70107d564ba8:disqus I generally sleep like a baby. Might not get as many hours as I’d like, but it was good.
I like the image of a square on the calendar.