The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Archives for December 2011

Dear Stephen King- Writing Is Lonely

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Dear Stephen,

Afternoon old friend. It is a bit after 4 on Sunday afternoon and I am back at the computer. It is just you, me, a cup of coffee and some Alka-Seltzer. Ok, that is not entirely accurate because I have a thousand voices inside my head and the whispers are starting to irritate the hell out of me.

Don’t finish dialing that phone- I am not crazy. I know that these voices aren’t real. They are just one more way for me to try and describe the stories that I see and hear inside my mind. I am tempted to say that I don’t know what to do about them but that isn’t true either because I am doing something.

I am writing a book. I am trying to get it out, this thing that is stuck inside but I am not sure if I am doing a proper job of it. I lack perspective. I am too close to this tale and I find myself swinging between feeling like I have the tiger by the tail and wondering if maybe instead he has clamped down on my arm.

It is kind of fitting to describe it that way. Supreme confidence and whispers of insecurity sandwiched between the knowledge that the only way to get out is to go through.

Don’t get me wrong I am not unhappy or upset. I love this. I feel like Indiana Jones except I don’t wear a Fedora or carry a bullwhip. Not that it matters, but I have both items. I like hats. Got the Fedora about 25 years or so ago and wear it upon occasion. Thing is that every time I wear it people ask if I am a rabbi.

I kind of laugh at that. I am not a rabbi but I have thought about becoming one. Been a long time since I took that seriously. Can’t say whether I will or won’t. Time will tell.

Anyway, this writing deal makes me happy. There are parts and pieces of me that are singing our song with the utmost joy and I am excited to see what happens. I don’t know where this story is going. I have my ideas but I really can’t say for certain. I suppose that this is in line with what you wrote about in your book but I am not doing it that way because you said that is how you work.

I am not you. I am me. That is a different topic and for once I won’t go off on a tangent.

The characters are going to let me know what to do and which direction to go in. All I am doing is helping them find their voice so that they can sing their song.

But I have got to tell you that sometimes this writing business is kind of lonely. Sometimes I feel like I am the proverbial outside looking in. Sometimes I feel like there are a million people outside doing their thing and then there is me locked up in a cage with nothing but them.

And by them I mean these characters. I feel like I know them. I feel like I see them. I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who they are, what they value and what they are going to do. Yet I also know that humans are anything but logical, reasonable and rational.

So even though I think that I know them I haven’t a clue if they’ll do as I say or think. They might. They might go ahead and try to find a way to turn a second chance into something special or maybe fear will prevent them from taking a risk.

I am curious and intrigued to see what happens. Anyway, I suspect that I am not the only writer to think or feel these things but I wouldn’t care if I was. I am just recording these thoughts down for posterity and because I think that one day I might find them to be interesting.

Or maybe not. Maybe it will just sound silly and I’ll nuke the entire post. Suppose we shall have to wait and see.

What do you think?

Don’t Fear Failure

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Dear children,

The end of 2011 is fast approaching and now is the time when many people engage in a sometimes far too sentimental look back upon the past year in which they speak lovingly about all of the good times they had and gloss over the bad.

Your father doesn’t do that. I look back at the past year and my initial impression is that 2011 was the culmination of some pretty hard times for all of us. I look back and I see a year filled with an enormous amount of struggle and an ongoing battle to stave off some hard times.

Well, I failed and I am not entirely upset about it. I didn’t fail at everything. There is a long list of good times and good things. It would be easy for me to do nothing but list accomplishments and focus solely on how good it all is- but I don’t want to do that.

It is not because I wish to wallow but because I am very realistic about what has happened and I expect that there will be some continued fall out from some of the events that have taken place. When you are older we are going to revisit this time and I will fill in some of the details for you not because I wish to redeem myself or need to give an accounting but because I think it will help you.

When I close my eyes at night and go to sleep I do so knowing that I tried my best. Sometimes that wasn’t good enough and things didn’t work out as we might have wished- but that is just how life goes. My goal is not to be angry about what went wrong or to spend time pointing fingers but to play the hand I was dealt.

That is what I talk to you about. That is what I teach you to do. We have limited control of some things and sometimes that means that you get stuck in situations that are uncomfortable and unfavorable. But what makes the difference is your attitude and your willingness to dig in and confront the challenges.

And part of that means that you cannot fear failure because fear of failure leads to paralysis and to not living your life.

Fear of failure is a more complex topic than many people give credit for. Some people will tell you that I am a fool to say not to fear it and that the only way to succeed is to win. “Fuck ’em.” That is a very harsh response that lack elegance but it gets to the heart of the matter.

Life is a constant series of adjustments in which you walk a tightrope while juggling flaming torches, chainsaws and bowling balls. Sometimes that rope feels a mile wide and you can skip, sashay or dance across it and sometimes it is so small you can’t help but fall.

It sucks to get hit in the head with a bowling ball. Try to avoid that.

I am not telling you to be fearless. Fear isn’t always a bad thing either. That little voice that tells you not to get in  the car with your friend because they have been drinking is something to listen to. Sometime fear helps motivate you to do more and try harder.

This balancing act I am talking about goes on forever. You are always going to come across situations where all you can do is use your best judgment and keep your eyes open. But let’s go back for a moment to this look at 2011.

When I think about 2011 I will remember it as the year we moved. That was brutal, painful and necessary. It simply had to be done and I expect that time will show that it led to a major improvement in all of our lives.

When I look back I’ll remember it as the year your great-grandfather died.  It was a bigger deal to me than you may know. My last living grandparent is gone. I was very close with  all of them and while I won’t say that I played favorites I really miss my grandfathers. One of my wishes for you is to have the same relationship with your grandparents.

And when I look back I’ll see November as the month in which a number of my long term plans started to show the fruits of my labor. The garden I planted is sprouting little seedlings- woohoo. There is a long way to go yet but it is always gratifying to see the results of our hard work.

Don’t fear failure because it means that you took action and took a chance. If you fail do your best to learn from it and try not to make the same mistake over and over again. There is a reason that I tell you that rebounding is one of my favorite things to do in basketball. It is about anticipation, will and desire.  Remember those last three words, anticipation, will and desire because they are your friends.

You will always know people or stories of people who are “luckier” than you. Ignore them. There is something to be said for the line about it being better to be lucky than talented but very few can rely upon that. Do your best to work hard and to be smart about it. Be prepared to sustain your effort and remember that your attitude and willingness to adapt to change can make all the difference in life.

Love,

Dad

It Was A ‘Stachetacular Experience

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My ‘Stachetacular Experience began with an invitation from Doug French from Laid Off Dad to join a team of dad bloggers for Movember madness. It really wasn’t a question that I had to think about. Prostate cancer is something that something that friends and family have battled so I can’t ignore it. Not to mention that having an excuse not to shave is just a bonus.

Technically you are supposed to grow a moustache during Movember but vanity and sanity prevailed. I am not a 70s porn star, cop or mercenary anymore and Halloween is over so I opted to grow a beard. So if you look just below at Figure 1.0 you’ll get a sense of what happens when I get to go razor free for a short while.

The mighty dad blogger team raised more than $19,000 which I think is a respectable sum. But we weren’t done yet. Philips Norelco approached us and offered to match up to $15,000.

The caveat was that we use their Vacuum Stubble & Beard Trimmer and a SensoTouch 3D Shaver to make a video of our ‘Stachetacular Shaveoff. You can use that last link to see the website that contains all of the videos that the boys and I made as part of this.

Or if you are lazy you can simply watch the video below and learn how Jack the semi-anonymous dad blogger should drink more coffee before filming himself.

If I hadn’t already shaved I would have redone it or maybe not. I think it is kind of funny but maybe that is just me compensating for looking silly. Aw heck, who am I kidding I don’t mind looking silly.

I also don’t mind telling you that I thought that both devices were solid. The Vacuum Stubble and Beard Trimmer has several features that I like. There is a reservoir that catches the hair that is clipped that I thought was kind of neat and I appreciated the settings/display that you can use for trimming your beard to a certain length.

The vacuum feature wasn’t quite as strong as I would have liked. It caught most of the hair but there were still a few that made it onto to the counter. Nonetheless it made cleanup go a lot faster than it would have otherwise.

I really like the shaver. It can be used wet or dry. Due to time constraints I wasn’t able to try using it wet but the dry function worked very well. It didn’t yank the hair off of my lip or face like some other electric shavers I have used.

With the holidays just around the corner it is worth noting that there is a $30 rebate available on this unit.

If I can figure a way to swing it next year I’ll stop shaving for three months and then we can really put the trimmer and shaver to work.  I am guessing that probably won’t happen. The kids don’t know Grizzly Adams but based on their comments I am fairly certain that they would prefer that I not look like him. 😉

Please note that Philips Norelco provided the Vacuum Stubble & Beard Trimmer and the SensoTouch 3D Shaver for this review free of charge.Â