5000 Reasons Not To Do Laundry

Many of the men within this great blogosphere have come across posts in which the mom bloggers have provided long lists of things they wish their husbands would do and a comment that if they only did three of them they would gladly reciprocate with a night of lust and longing in the the bedroom.

Now I don’t know about you but I roll my eyes every time I read a post in which some wife badmouths her husband and talks about how overworked she is and how he is not going to get to do the horizontal mambo with her unless he helps.

Sometimes I want to leave a comment like, “lady, I have seen your picture and I can tell you exactly why he is not helping. He is using the laundry as an excuse not to do the bumping uglies woppity boppity with you.

And then I remember how Mama Steiner taught me never to be mean to anyone because it is not nice and they might be mean back to me. Of course Mama Steiner remembers how as a little boy I used to introduce myself to other kids and then hit them. You know that first strike sets the tone, but we won’t talk about that right now.

No, let’s go back to the title of this post and discuss 5000 reasons not to do laundry, also known as 50 pairs of underwear.

Keeping Fruit Of The Loom In Business

Yeah I am that guy, the one who buys clean underwear so he doesn’t have to wash it. The guy who once asked a girlfriend if she would do his laundry and then got laughed at. “I am your friend who is a girl and I don’t do my boyfriend’s laundry so why would I do yours?”

I don’t remember my exact response but I think it went something like, “because if you slept with me you wouldn’t have to close your eyes and pretend I am the pool guy.”

And that is how I earned the dreaded female look of death and a comment about how I really should learn not to think out loud. I of course responded with ‘I guess that means a blow job is out of the question” to which I received an attempted boot to the head.

I would like to tell you  that we are still friends but when she tried to boot me in the head I stepped to the side and she slipped and fell on her butt and then smacked her head. Needless to say she was less than pleased with this and I still haven’t figured out if anger is the reason why her phone number hasn’t worked in 17 years or if perhaps it is just poor dialing on my part.

Yale Students Are Wearing Crap

I can’t speak for you but I best most of you are happy not to students at Yale now who are searching for the poopetrator of some crappy crimes.

Would it be wrong for me to laugh at this or suggest that someone might need to use the product in the video below.

 What You Need To Know

What you really need to know is that most of this post is fiction and that I so desperately wanted to avoid doing laundry I wrote this post to avoid hitting the Tide room of solitude.

But alas the time has come for to me to go gather the fabric and walk down to the Trinity River so that I can worsh the dirt off of my clothes.

I don’t need 500 reasons not to do laundry, one is usually enough. Bleah.