Steve Jobs’ Ghost Gave Me A Cellphone

This post is going in a different direction than I had intended. I was going to share how much traffic I generated from using a headline about “Spitting and Swallowing” that had nothing to do with sex but something sent me in a different direction.

Don’t know what it was, but I heard something that made me think of An Uncertain Certainty and decided a different direction was important. When changes occur you have to roll with them, do your best to adapt and adjust and move.

That reminded me again about the post I was going to write and how I wanted to talk about the blog as a bully pulpit and how often it is meaningless but I have already done that and at the moment it makes no sense to write about such narishkeit.

Steve Jobs’ Ghost Gave Me A Cellphone

My cellphone is dying. My until recently dependable Samsung Galaxy Note II has decided it is unhappy and is doing its best to leave this plane and move on to wherever it is dead cellphones go.

I had intended on avoiding the iPhone because I am a free thinking rebel who didn’t want to bow down to the ghost of Voldemort and become a Kool-Aid drinking Apple fanatic.

But then something happened.

The Ghost of Steve Jobs came to visit me and he gave me a cellphone.

“Jack, I am the ghost of Steve Jobs and I want you to use this cellphone. Your friends and family will be jealous when they see what beautiful phone you have. This is an electronic wet dream.”

I looked at the specter and shook my head.

“Brother, a beautiful phone is nice but unless you have some sort of app I don’t know that I am unfamiliar with there won’t be any wet dreams here tonight. And if there is, please tell me there is an iClean your Sheets app to go with it.

Been 30 or more years since I had to worry about those things and these days no one is going to associate that kind of thing with puberty. I’d rather not have someone hand me a box of depends and a note suggesting I sit down with my primary care physician.”

The apparition just glared at me and I laughed.

“Ghost CEO, I am not scared of you. You are just a figment of my imagination. I have been stared down by real people, the kind that get semi hysterical about burning rivers and men who make fun of them. But if you’d like I’ll tell you about this great Android app you can use to make your ghost chick wail like a banshee.”

“Beware Jack Steiner, great woe comes to those who fail to heed my call.”

“Sorry ghost dude, I turn off my ringer and notifications because all that commotion is distracting. Next time I’ll make a note to give you a special ring and I’ll pick up. Nobody tells me what to do, when to move on or what phone to use”

Suddenly I realized I  was coated in some sort of slimy substance and I heard a chuckle.

“I told you Jack Steiner and that ugly doppelganger friend of yours that I am not to be played with.”

I shook my head and laughed.

“Ghost dude, I know things. Don’t mess with me. This slimy stuff is nasty but it is nothing a good shower won’t fix.”

There was a loud boom and then the room filled with light as morning broke.

Where Was My Beautiful Cellphone?

It took a moment for me to realize I was lying in my bed and that I wasn’t covered in slime or sweat. I was just another almost middle aged dude trying to figure out what the hell led to such a crazy dream.

I picked up my phone off of the night stand, turned it on and checked out my email. It took longer than normal to boot up and the back felt hot.

“C’mon phone, be like the Little Engine That Could and climb the hill, turn on buddy.”

While I waited for the phone to come to life I thought about what I want in my next phone. The newest iPhone, the one they call the 6 Plus appears to meet most of those needs.

In some ways it might be a better match than my Samsung. My kids would be happy to be able to Facetime with me as would niece and nephews. Though the Android market is growing the music and movies still seem to have a better ecosystem through Apple and their iTunes marketplace.

But I don’t like not being able to add memory, to swap out cards the way I have as well as change batteries.

“What about that ghost of Jobs, what do you have to say?”

The words hung in the air and the only response I received was a quizzical look from the dog.

“You know what I don’t like hearing about, how ‘beautiful’ the phone is. I am not buying art. I want functionality. I want something that works. That beauty line irks me.”

The dog wagged his tail at me and I thanked him for being true and loyal.

“You my furry friend are among my most trusted confidants. Remember one day I may come to you and ask for a special favor, but until that day you may live your life as you will.”

The Phone As Camera

As I rolled out of bed and shuffled over the shower I thought about the changes I have made here at the blog and my desire to tell a better story. Part of that tale is wrapped up in photos.

While the water pounded down upon my back I thought about my desire to become a better photographer and my preference not to have to carry my gear.

Would the tales I have heard about the iPhone camera compared to a Droid be enough to push me into the Apple camp. Or would I find that the only way I could obtain the type of photos I want to take be through a real camera.

If the ghost of Steve Jobs had appeared in the shower I would have asked but he didn’t so instead I settled for seeking out other means to answer the question.

And now my friends you know about one part of my current quest, the need to answer the question of whether I can get by with the camera on my phone or not.

I need to figure that out so I can serve the master that desires to become a better storyteller using images in addition to words.