Tuesday, afternoon, I’m just beginning to see

I didn’t know how to begin this post, didn’t know where to go with it or how to make it tell the tale I want to tell in a such a way that you wouldn’t have to read it more than once because you wouldn’t have to read to know the truth of my words.

Sometimes the hardest things to say are to the person who you most need to hear what is written upon your heart. You struggle to come up with the letters that serve as the best teammates, the ones that don’t struggle with the others and understand how to take a person by the hand and gently lead them to where you need them to go.

“And I need you more than want you
And I want you for all time
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line

And I need you more than want you
And I want you for all time
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line”
Wichita Linemen– Glen Campbell

Somewhere along that open road I found something mystical and magnificent waiting for  me. Somewhere along the road I found what I had spent my entire life looking for and I recognized that I was driving away from where I was supposed to be, driving away from where I wanted to be but doing it because it had to be done.

And as the miles passed beneath my tires there were more than a few moments where I felt like I had to go back, had to stop the car to turn around and get you.

Get you because you are supposed to be on my right side, sharing adventures and living the minutes and moments with me. It is not supposed to be as it is now, not supposed to be one apart from the other but sometimes that is how it goes.

But it doesn’t have to be that way forever.

“So I looked at the scenery,
She read her magazine;
And the moon rose over an open field.
“Kathy, I’m lost”, I said,
Though I know she was sleeping.
“I’m empty and aching and
I don’t know why.”
America– Simon & Garfunkel

Every moment apart felt like forever and the farther I went the further it all felt.   I took a deep breath and told myself it was silly and foolish to act so childish.

But when I saw lightning fly across the sky and heard the sound of thunder I realized why my heart was pounding, saw that twister heading straight for the car and knew that when it hit things would get nasty.

Pulled over, ran for cover, took a deep breath and as my body was battered I closed my eyes, saw your eyes looking back at mine and heard music playing.

“The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies, my love
To the dark and the endless skies”
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face– Roberta Flack

When the roar of thunder faded I opened my eyes and told myself we weren’t in Kansas any more. The car was gone and I was left alone under a sky streaked with flecks of blue and gray.

That highway wasn’t empty any more but I didn’t recognize any of the buildings I saw or the names of the places on the signs alongside of it. For a moment I wanted to scream because all that I had worked for seemed to gone, all the blood sweat and tears was for naught.

And then I heard something, couldn’t say what or where it came from, just knew I needed to find it. But I was exhausted from all that I had been through so I headed off to the side of the road and put my back up against the tree.

Decided I would wait for nightfall and follow our moon back to whence I had came. As I closed my eyes I saw yours looking back at me and heard that song again.

“Tuesday, afternoon,
I’m just beginning to see,
Now I’m on my way,
It doesn’t matter to me,
Chasing the clouds away.

Something, calls to me,
The trees are drawing me near,
I’ve got to find out why
Those gentle voices I hear
Explain it all with a sigh.”
Tuesday, afternoon– The Moody Blues