Voodoo Magic & Witch Doctors

I have this sneaking suspicion that I need surgery but since I haven’t seen a doc I am not entirely sure.

If you came to me and told me this I would verbally slap you around and tell you it is a mistake to wait and that if there is a problem waiting might make it worse.

But you see I operate off of the ‘do as I say and not as I do’ code and that absolves me of all guilt. Besides I figure I can try seeing the local witch doctor or using some Voodoo magic on myself because nothing could go wrong if I did that.

And this my friends is what happens when you are an educated man with responsibilities and no health insurance.  It is not like I have been without it for long because I haven’t but I ran into some financial challenges and killed mine so that my kids would keep theirs.

It is not like I am going to drop dead tomorrow and if I did, well that would wreck my golf game now wouldn’t it.

Of course I haven’t played a round in quite some time and when I did I wasn’t particularly good at it so it is not really wrecking my game.

The Grim Reaper and Jack

The Grim Reaper and I have met a few times. He got pissed off at me years ago because we were hitting on the same chick and I got her.

Truth is he wasn’t much competition. I looked at her and told her she could never drink enough to get beyond his skull and bony appearance.

Not to mention his personality is awful and when I want to be I am not only charming but funny.

Humble too.

I remember after my father’s heart attack I rolled into his hospital room and did a quick sweep of the room to make that reaper dude wasn’t skulking around.

He wasn’t there on the first day but two days later dad’s ventilator gurgled and the other machines whistled and beeped enough times to make me recognize something was wrong.

I found that bony motherfucker messing with the cables so I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and defenestrated him.

Later that night I caught him again but this time he was wearing that Angel of Death costume. I am guessing he thought it might fool me but I am the reason the Devil went down to Georgia because Lucifer knows damn well that I am not someone you should trifle with.

Anyhoo I grabbed that Angel by his wings, stomped on his feet and then headbutted him into the land of Nod.

That was kind of fun for me, mainly because all those people who told me my hard head would get me into trouble learned the hard way they could suck it.

That hard head of mine came in handy then.

I Want To Understand

I live my life based upon a mixture of science, faith and gut feelings.

It is an accurate description of how I write too all you need to do is look  at this post or read some of my fiction to see the truth in it.

There are moments where I work off of a plan and follow the outline I have developed and then there are the times where I just live.

That is because I have been fortunate to follow the beat of a drummer who has no rhythm. Really if you ask me to pick a card I am going to find the Joker every time.

Neither of those are good or bad, they just are.

The net result is I often take the road less taken and that sometimes makes my progress through life a little more interesting than it does for others.

It is also what leads me to ask why I am lucky enough to live during interesting times and rail about not understanding how I have ended up in certain situations that I have actively tried to avoid.

Ask me to explain it and I’ll shrug my shoulders and say I must be responsible for some of this and yet I know damn well not all of it is my fault either.

This is when I tell the Shmata Queen that I Know Things and that even though I can’t always explain them it doesn’t mean they aren’t true.

What I know for certain about this moment is that it sucks but that I am going to weather the damn storm and come out on a distant shore with more stories and more cash than ever.

Can’t tell you the particulars but I can say it is going to happen and since I believe in the joy of the journey I am going to do my best to be present for all of it.

If I ever run into Winston in heaven I am going to light up a cigar and thank him for articulating this and a few other things for me.

And that my friends is how you incorporate Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein and Voodoo into a post.