Do You Trust Yourself?

There is a scene that replays inside my head on a regular basis that looks something like this.

It is about ten years or so since Lost premiered on ABC and I got to wonder about the modern castaways and the magic island.

If you never saw it and wanted to get a crash course in what I watched and maybe gain some insight into why the show caught my eye you can watch this clip here.

Unfortunately I don’t think it will provide you with the sort of understanding I really want you to have about what I see in my head now and how it connects to  the show.

That pains me a bit as a person, writer and storyteller because I feel like I should be able to explain things in a way that provides clarity and insight.

Ask those who know me well and they’ll tell you now is about the time I might whip out that Einstein quote about how if you can’t explain it to a six-year-old you don’t understand it well enough yourself.

It would be done with great enthusiasm and energy, lightning will fly from my fingers and lasers from my eyes but the only response I would get is, “Do you trust yourself?”

The answer to the question is “yes, I trust myself. I do. I do so in spite of being frightened and uncertain. I do so not because I have a perfect track record of surviving bad days but because my gut says to ‘believe.’

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I made a sarcastic remark to someone the other day and asked them if they knew McCartney was in a band before Wings.

Took less than a moment for me to realize it was the wrong pop culture reference for him and that if I didn’t have kids our musical interests might not intersect at all.

On a side note, my kids are familiar with the Fab Four, classic rock and a ton of other old music as well as new stuff.

Anyhoo, I mention that because I am listening to Paul sing Maybe I’m Amazed and thinking about how my world was turned upside down and inside out a long while ago.

Thinking about how this song means something different to me than it once did and how many other songs have evolved over the years.

Or rather how my understanding and or appreciation of them have evolved over time.

Age and experiences have impacted how I see so much, sometimes  pushing me to take a position that is 180 degrees from the one I once held.

Kind of funny to me to think about how dumb I was about some things and how I held onto certain ideas and beliefs because fear wouldn’t allow me to do anything but stick my fingers in my ears and scream LALALALALA!

Do You Let People See You?

I am relatively guarded about who I let in and how much I am willing to share with them.

Been that way for so long I can’t tell you how or why it started and I am not sure that it matters. What matters to me is a long time ago I realized if I wanted to have certain things in life I had to let people see me.

What matters to me is a long time ago I realized if I wanted to have certain things in life I had to let people see me.

Not so long ago I tried to explain to my son why it was important and how the reward easily outweighed the risk.

He didn’t really get it and I was ok with that because he is young. I wouldn’t expect him to completely understand, but I thought it was a useful conversation to have.

I thought it was a teaching moment that might lead to some real benefit and opportunity for him and so I took a shot.

What Comes Next

I feel like I have spent a lifetime working towards what comes next but then again I feel like I have been Jack Shepherd screaming about the need to go back to the island.

That is because I left my island quite some time ago knowing that once I left the angels that garden my eden would shut the gate behind me.

Knowing once I passed through I wouldn’t be able to turn around and say I had made a mistake, I would have to go on the great journey and adventure.

Sometimes I like to think I hopped on my horse and trotted out like the cool hero or that I jumped behind the wheel of my car and floored it.

Hit the road doing 90 knowing that the sooner I got to it the sooner I would get to take a shot at getting back.

Eventually I did what I said I would and found my way back but the gates were broken and bent and the castle had been leveled.

Took a long while for my anger and frustration to subside and for me to recognize it was always about building something new.

So that is what comes next, the move to build anew.

Can’t tell you if that will be built upon the island I once lived upon or if it will be somewhere new but I can promise you it will be built.

Doesn’t matter to me if I am going to handle the foundation and framing myself because the time has come.

Can’t wait.

Won’t wait.

All that matter is moving ahead and seeing what unfolds as I go along.

That is a father’s obligation.