The 9832nd Greatest Blog Post You’ll Never Read

These are days we are going to remember because we have left the comforts of what is known and headed straight into the wilds.

Can’t say if we collectively knew the fleet was going to sail straight from the harbor into the storm but some of us suspected it.

Doesn’t mean we were or are any smarter than any one else or that our sixth sense was pinging because I don’t speak for the collective.

What I know is the man in office bothered me long before he got there because his brusque manner and attitude isn’t something I want in a leader.

But we only have so much control of what happens and who gets to lead and after that we are given the gift of managing our response.

The 9832nd Greatest Blog Post You’ll Never Read

You have hardly seen hide nor hair of me around here because I have been distracted with the things that life brings us, those we want and those we don’t.

It has been part of the great roller coaster because there have been some exceptionally good moments and I have shown the world my broadest and brightest smile.

But there have been some hard ones too, the biggest challenge I have ever had as a father and at times I have felt like I was trapped between the anvil and the hammer.

Moments, where I wondered how I was ever going to catch my breath long enough to help fix what is broken.

Moments, where I wondered what I did wrong and battled myself to stop asking questions that can’t be answered and are immaterial because the horse took off as soon as the barn door opened.

We’re a year into this crazy ride and I don’t always write about it for a host of reasons but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t taken up residence in my head.

Sometimes I see a miniature Winston Churchill in my mind, talking to me, encouraging me and promising me that this too shall pass.

He is right, it will.

But some days it is really…fucking…hard.

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Sometimes I think it is good that Google slapped my site with the penalty and that my SEO has gone to hell here.

It makes it easier not to worry about whether anyone is reading it.

Aw hell, who am I kidding, I never cared much about it and I have written regardless whether there was one or many readers.

Running Down A Dream

Blogging taught me long ago that if I want to build an engaged readership I need to engage, entertain and educate.

It also taught me that the more honest I was with you about what was going on there more honest and engaged you’d be with me.

Though I know these things to be true I haven’t been good for a long while about engaging the way I used to.

I don’t comment very often anymore on other blogger’s posts and I have been reticent to do more than hint at certain other personal things in my life.

*****

In the midst of the battles and challenges I have been focused on running down a dream and if my gut knows a damn thing I am getting closer to where I want to be.

It reminds me a lot of not the first kiss I once shared but one that came a good while after.

She and I had been together multiple times so I thought I knew what to expect but something happened.

Something inside my head clicked and I realized I had just tasted life.

We pulled away and smiled at each other and I knew without asking she understood. That was when she gave herself to me and I knew I had crossed the Rubicon but in the best of senses.

Shared Experiences

One of my goals is for someone else to have that taste of life experience and or revelation.

I can’t say for certain but I suspect it will open their eyes and that it will bring a level of joy back into their life.

I think they’ll begin to really live again.

Don’t ask me for details or encourage me to share more because it is an unformed thought and I fear trying to force it to take shape.

This needs to be held like water in the palm of your hand because some things can’t be led, pushed or made into being.

All you can do is shine a light on opportunity and hope.

****

Meanwhile, the fleet is sailing through the storm and I have to focus on making sure the ships I am responsible for are safe.

Alone in my kayak I paddle through the rough and do my best to manage it all, haven’t drowned yet…