Some of you will interpret the headline in a way that I didn’t intend for you to but I can’t worry about that. Can’t put time into whether you follow this as I want or hope you to because I can’t control a damn thing.
Or should I say I can’t control your understanding/interpretation of what I say or don’t say.
There are the few who don’t require much to follow the crumbs I lay upon the floor or to see them as rose petals, but very few.
And even those few will misunderstand and misinterpret some of it, maybe all of it. I am certain some will do so intentionally because it is easier to manage some things like that.
Easier to create excuses and reasons not to go beyond a certain place than to open those doors. I know, I have done it.
Fuck Me
Now there is an expression that is hard to decipher without context. Is it said in exasperation or seductively?
Might be somewhere in between or something different altogether.
Been looking at the theme for this joint and wondering if it is helping to tell the stories I tell or if it is making it harder.
Haven’t decided yet, but eventually, I will.
Been distracted because I haven’t felt right physically in a long time. I am not quite wrong, but I am not quite right either.
Can’t decide if it is stress, age or illness. Hell, it could be all three.
I go through periods where I feel like I am almost back and the body does as I expect and then something happens.
Sometimes it is something that blows up all that I think I have accomplished and sometimes it is a variation. Irks me more than I can say.
Used to be so damn strong in every way and now it comes and goes in a way that throws me and makes me wonder what I need to do to adjust because it can’t be like this forever.
Can’t be like this for the next hundred years, maybe I am just not disciplined enough about exercise and diet or maybe it is something else.
Maybe it is vanity, maybe it is sanity-I’ll figure it out and then I’ll have to make some choices and decisions.
This part scares me more than I let on, but don’t expect me to say that in person.
Why?
Because force of will carries me past every obstacle, always has and I expect it to again. I’ll figure it out or I’ll be sad and disappointed.
Can’t have that, not about the few things I can control so I suppose I’ll figure it out.
Life is hard, but in many ways it is better than it has been in a decade or so…
That is pretty cool.
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