They say part of how you master your fear is to name and identify it and this will cause it to lose some power.
Well I named my fear Go Fuck Yourself and am not sure if it took the edge off of GFY because it still feels pretty damn real to me.
Not surprised to say it because I can’t self-diagnose this with the sort of accuracy I would like to and given I am not seeing the doc for a couple of weeks I’ll have to live with the discomfort of not knowing.
Cuz what is going on with me may be normal and something that is easily treated but it also might not be that. Might be bigger and more complex and that uncertainty is what is eating away at me.
Been pretty good at managing it all for quite some time now but the time to do that is past which is why I am going to see the doc.
Better to find out what I am really dealing with and take away the power of the mystery, take away the fear of the unknown.
It might be horrible and it might be nothing but bad news but then again it might not be anything close to that extreme.
Could fall between the polarities and the nagging sense of what if won’t be something that wakes me up because I’ll know.
Dragged my feet long enough and now I am going to get answers.
Kind of funny to think about how I would have told people not to do what I have been doing and that it is better to suck it up and get answers than to bury their head in the sand.
Call it do as I say and not as I do.
Anyhoo, I am taking action so we’ll find out if the fear of the unknown deserves the credit I have given it or if I can evict it from my head.
Time will tell.
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