Airlines

Flying reminds me a bit of hanging out with an old girlfriend. There are moments where I stare at you and wonder why we ever broke up. You’re beautiful. You’re sexy and you’re a lot of fun. We start to talk and the conversation just flows.

For a while I start to wonder why we broke up. Maybe it wasn’t you, maybe it was me. But gradually I find evidence of the things that I didn’t like and the shine starts to fade a bit. When you laugh you snort. When we were going out I thought that it was cute, but at the end it made me crazy.

I notice a few other details that irritate me and slowly I remember why it is that we don’t see each other anymore.

That sort of describes my feelings about flying. There was a time when I loved it. It used to be special and exciting. It was an experience that I look forward to, but not anymore. Now it is a task.

And so it begins with a search for a ride to the airport. More often than not the trips are midweek so the family isn’t available to take me. Cabs and vans are expensive. Frankly I hate sharing them. I dislike having to make other stops to pick other travelers up. And even if I didn’t the fare with tip is almost always $50 bucks.

I can take the bus. A for a couple of bucks a day I can park the car and ride along with 50 others to go catch a ride on a flying tin can. I suppose that it is not such a bad thing. But it stresses me out.

And let’s not forget the whole security process. I am quite appreciative of the efforts that are being taken to protect us, but it is a grind. Having to take off my shoes, empty my pockets, dump the laptop and get checked out is a pain. I prefer to have it than not, but still…

Eventually you find yourself in the terminal where you get to just sit and wait.

Maybe it comes down to a lack of control. Maybe it is nothing more than frustration with having to give up the control of my time and ability to do what I want. If I am going somewhere I tend to prefer to be the one driving. I just feel more comfortable.

None of this covers the other details. My shoulders are two big for the seat and my knees often brush against the seat in front of me.

Confession time: I tend to do very little talking on flights. I prefer to sleep or watch a movie. But if I end up sitting next to someone talkative I often make up stories about my life. Sometimes I tell them that I played college football or soccer. Sometimes I tell them that I work in a Biotech lab and I am not allowed to discuss my job.

It all depends. I never really know what I am going to tell them in advance. I like to just let it unfold. I suppose I should run for a bit. I need to go pack.

Other Posts about Flying
Cruising At 34,000 Feet
Deciphering Frequent Flier Programs
All My Bags Are Packed
Airplane Trouble? Kill a Goat
Flying The Unfriendly Skies
Crying Child Forces Family From Plane
The Land of Lost Luggage
Airlines Continue To Rob The Public
The Joys of Flying Commercial Airlines 
What If The Plane Crashes
Traveling Jack’s Plane Made It 

Once upon a time it really was a case of flying the friendly skies.

(CNN) — There was a time when airline travel was a special treat, the kind of occasion that inspired passengers to dress up.

Now, the awe people once felt about flying through the clouds is tempered by additional fees, cramped seats and horrifying tales of fellow travelers.

Take, for instance, “Mr. Poopy Pants” — a grown man who allegedly soiled himself 10 minutes into a flight from Florida to Minnesota. And then he just sat there.

“We’ve all had our flying hell experiences,” said Gregg Rottler, creator of FlightsFromHell.com.

The site provides a venue for people to share their tales of woe, said Rottler. “It’s therapeutic … so it benefits them and provides entertainment value for others.”

Rottler, a 54-year-old environmental health supervisor in Tampa, Florida, launched the site more than two years ago. Since then, FlightsFromHell.com has attracted submissions from passengers and flight attendants that have run the gamut, touching on categories that include “odors,” “attendant issues,” “weird people,” and “luggage and delays.”

Among the story headlines: “Titanic toddler creates tumult,” “Wifey punched by elderly ‘sleepwalker,’ ” and “Lip-locked tousle-haired 20-somethings.”

“There’s something about being scrunched up with strangers … The seats aren’t that big, and once someone starts going wacko, it just creates an extremely stressful environment that was already stressful enough,” Rottler said.

I don’t know about you but flying is stressful enough without having to worry about the growing hazard of Bird Strike. I already worry about dealing with all of the normal crap associated with flying like crowded planes and interminably long security lines.

On really bad days I wonder if the man with the crazy eyes plans on trying to hijack my plane. And let me tell you Mr. Crazy Eyes, not only am I watching you, but I have a plane to take you down hard and fast.

And it is not the sort of hard and fast that makes your wife hate that little blue pill either. No, it is swift and severe, prompt and persuasive. You won’t like it all, Mr. Crazy Eyes. But I digress.

Now, I have to worry that a flock of birds might disable my plane and cause to hurtle through the sky wing over wing into a river or some farmers’ field. And I have to worry about this without the reassurance of the crocodile hunter or Marlin Perkins.

But because I like to share the good and the bad allow me to provide you with more insight as to what I am talking about.

But among the surprises was the fact that the incident appeared to be caused not by terror attack or mechanical failure, but by a wayward flock of geese. (See pictures of the plane crash in the Hudson River.)

While the National Transportation Board has yet to conduct a full investigation, authorities believe the geese were sucked into the plane’s two jet engines, causing immediate engine failure, shortly after takeoff from New York’s LaGuardia airport. The aircraft, an Airbus A320, has engines designed to sustain damage from a bird weighting up to a four pounds, according to Todd Curtis, founder of Airsafe.com and an aviation safety expert. Canadian geese — the suspected culprits — weigh an average of 10 pounds. More than 219 people have been killed worldwide as a result of wildlife strikes since 1988, according to the volunteer organization Bird Strike Committee USA.

Here at the glorious chateau that we call The Shack we continue to bring you news, feature stories and our opinion about the good old airline industry.

CNN has the news about the findings of a federal task force whose job was to develop a plan for assisting passengers. Specifically those passengers who are trapped inside planes that are stuck on the tarmac.

Let me sum things up for you. It was a Federal task force so our tax dollars were spent to fund it. After almost a year of meeting they failed to come up with any requirements for the airlines and airports, just a few recommendations.

“The tarmac task force, as it is informally known, is expected to vote Wednesday on guidelines for airlines and airports on how to craft their own contingency plans for dealing with lengthy tarmac delays.

Among the problems: The task force was unable to agree on whether “lengthy” is one hour, two hours or 10 hours.

Kate Hanni, a task force member and passenger rights advocate, said Tuesday there is nothing in the draft document that requires airlines or airports to provide additional services for passengers stranded aboard airplanes going nowhere.

The report “is a set of best practices, but there’s nothing enforceable where a passenger can say, ‘I won’t be held up for more than three hours or five hours or eight hours, or without a glass of water or a sandwich,”‘ said Hanni, founder of the Coalition for an Airline Passengers’ Bill of Rights.

“We were hoping at a bare minimum to come out of this task force with a definition of what is an extensive on-ground delay,” Hanni said, but that didn’t happened because the airline industry “doesn’t want anything that is remotely enforceable.”

The 36-member task force was created last December by Transportation Secretary Mary Peters to develop model plans for airlines and airports after several incidents in which passengers were stuck for hours before their flight took off or they were allowed to get off the plane.

Task force members said it quickly became apparent that the group — dominated by airline industry and airport representatives — would be unable to come up with a model plan acceptable to a majority of members.”

If you read through the story you’ll see that among the recommendations are that the airlines try to keep the bathrooms usable, provide refreshments and keep the passengers notified about what is going on.

Hmm…they used to call those things customer service. This is all part of why I have grown to dislike flying. It used to be fun and now it has become a task that has to be endured.

Other Posts about Flying
Cruising At 34,000 Feet
Deciphering Frequent Flier Programs
All My Bags Are Packed
Airplane Trouble? Kill a Goat
Flying The Unfriendly Skies
Crying Child Forces Family From Plane
The Land of Lost Luggage
Airlines Continue To Rob The Public
The Joys of Flying Commercial Airlines