Children

Confession: I have a memory like an elephant and I have been known to hold a grudge which is why I wasn’t surprised when my daughter told me she didn’t like someone she had met a few times.

I knew he had done something to aggravate her and that she wasn’t going to just forget about it and let it go.

She laughed when I called her on it and said I understood and that I have a similar approach to people but I also made a point to tell her sometimes we need to be more forgiving.

“We need to be careful to distinguish between when people are/were nasty intentionally and when they inadvertently upset us because those things do happen.”

She agreed with me but I didn’t mention I am not always good at taking my own advice. Some people cross the line and it is hard for me to forget.

Blogging To Become A Better Father

That might sound like linkbait, but it is not.

Blogging is part of how I figure out how I think, feel and act. It is part of how I identify what is really going on in my life and what isn’t.

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I took the new job at the end of August because I expected it to help me provide a better life for my kids and I still expect it to do so.

However, things haven’t been as easy or as smooth as I had hoped and or expected so it has had its share 0f frustration, especially since I haven’t seen my family since August 26.

That is a long time and it hasn’t been easy, hell the thing that has made it palatable is building a better future.

But it has been hard because I know has fast things change and kids grow. We may talk and or Facetime every day but it is not the same as being there.

The most frustrating part of this has to be this sense that I haven’t made the kind of progress I had expected to and that things aren’t moving the way I want them to either.

Well, that is not entirely true, they are moving in the right direction but not at the speed I would like them to go and that is hard.

It is frustrating.

But it doesn’t mean I am not going to get where I hope and or expect to, just means that it is not moving at the pace I want.

That bothers me because I don’t want to feel like I am missing out on their lives now. I don’t want to feel like I am so focused on building a better future I miss today.

Ask me if I feel like I am on track and the answer is yes. I can look back at this post and say it is tied into what I felt then and know all is unfolding as it should, but dammit, it is not easy to be patient.

Keep On, Keeping On

The good news is I’ll see them all one week from today.

I am excited about it, but a little nervous.

There is a lot of chaos that is going to be tied into the visit and while I am sure it will all work out fine I am a little stressed about it.

That is what happens when you are in transition and are anxious to build a solid foundation. The seesaw nature pulls, pushes, twists and turns you.

So I am reminding myself here to just roll with it and not to get crazy about not having accomplished as much as I had wanted to.

The deadlines I have set in my head are part of what is making me crazy.

Time to adjust expectations and to just roll with it.

This is the joy of the journey, right.

Since I am one of those never say die, got to keep doing and going to see what happens kind of guys it is fair to say I’ll do the same as I always do and keep moving forward.

But it wouldn’t be a lie to say I am ready for a nap and nice vacation. 🙂

The experts will tell you it is a mistake to use a bland headline like Deadlines & Transitions which is why I added “Boring Headlines” to it.

Call that my attempt to manipulate the situation so that more folks would click and enter. But before we hit the meat of the post it is time to include part of our soundtrack.

Teenagers, Preteens & Deadlines

The school year is rapidly heading towards winter break and with it comes the avalanche of finals, papers and projects.

Or viewed from another way, a ridiculous number of deadlines to be managed by children who may not be interested in receiving advice or suggestions from parents who have been there.

In the days of my youth, I was told what it means to be a man,
Now I’ve reached that age, I’ve tried to do all those things the best I can.

And you thought Led Zeppelin couldn’t be used to help a father describe and or explain parenting.

Now for the next part of our soundtrack.

One of my very favorite Simon & Garfunkel songs, one that always makes me look backward and smile and then remind myself to look around now and smile today.

So here I sit thinking about the present and the importance of being present.

Thinking about how much time I should spend reminding my kids to focus on their tasks and how much should be left to them.

It is always about letting them fall and figure out how to get back up without having their spirit broken in the process.

There is a balance between it all, a rhythm that exists but I can’t say I know where it truly starts and ends.

I do it by touch and feel and hope not to screw it up too much.

The end game is simple, raise kids who know how to be productive and self-sufficient people.

It is funny how quickly the transitions go. One moment the children are babies and or toddlers that you always have to watch and the next they are in high school.

If you don’t pay attention it is easy to miss so much.

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The next video might age me in some eyes, because not everyone catches the Chariots of Fire life is a race reference, gut I don’t care because I love it.

When The Mist Clears

The feature photo at the top of the page is nice, not my favorite shot ever but it serves a purpose.

It reminds me about how hard it is to predict certain things and that you never really know until you walk into the mist and see what lies beneath.

At the moment my race feels more like I am Daniel Day-Lewis in Last Of The Mohicans and with that I’ll leave you the video below because I have to run and run hard.

I was surprised to wake up and discover I am not hung over.

It is not unusual to catch me with a drink but to wake up the Sunday morning after having had many isn’t something that happens with any regularity.

Twenty-five years or more ago I wouldn’t have been able to say I can’t remember the last time I got drunk because it would have been recent.

Not because I had a drinking problem but because I was a single guy and it wasn’t unusual for us to out drinking.

The funny thing about that last sentence is how I added it to make sure you didn’t think poorly of me because this post is about dishonest bloggers.

It is about how we sanitize our posts and our Facebook updates to show a life we aren’t really living.

A Blogosphere Filled With Dishonest Bloggers

You know why I drank so much last night?

Because I got news that set me off, stuff of the personal kind and I figured WTF.

At the moment I live by myself and don’t have to worry Sunday responsibilities in the same way others do.

My To-Do list isn’t monitored by anyone but me, so I can get around to laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping whenever it suits me.

So I said what the hell and opened up the home bar and enjoyed myself.

It illustrated one of the other differences between now and then because these days I drink the “good stuff.”

It is not the most expensive, “top-of-the-line” booze you can buy but it is not cheap either.

Categorize it as “I earned the right to treat myself sometimes” and I will enjoy it.

Boundaries & Honesty

I want to write about what is going on without any regard for potential consequences, but not because I am angry but because I am scared.

It is not the sort of fear that paralyzes you but it is the kind of thing that keeps you up at night and makes you think “what if.”

Boundaries prevent me from doing so and that sort of makes me smile.

Because a man like me pushes the envelope and tests the limits.

When I see signs that say do not trespass or do not touch I want to do the very opposite of what I have been told.

I want to find out what happens and why. I want to know if there is a good reason for being told not to do something or if it is just another arbitrary exercise in authority.

Except this boundary is tied into others and crosses lines I choose not to pass, but I wish I could.

Because part of the purpose of writing is to identify and understand. It is to ask for the collective wisdom of others because I know this challenge isn’t something that is limited to me.

I know others have experienced it and I want to hear how they managed it.

Yet things are not so bad that I am willing to cross the lines and damn the consequences…not yet.

I hope they never will be and that this will always be a post that helped take the edge off.

This is the place I never expected to find and won’t ever be comfortable living in. The spot that won’t ever let me exhale and take full breaths.

It is not about turning what I fear into something within my comfort zone because comfort with this isn’t something that anyone should have.

Good Attitude Meet My Boot

Someone told me I need to remember to have a good attitude and I asked them if they wanted my size 12 boot in their ass.

My attitude is fine.

I don’t know enough about this particular situation to say it is going to lead to a very bad conclusion which is why I am not panicked.

But I also know bad things can happen to good people and that life isn’t fair.

I am rooting for this to end up somewhere in between all of that. It is certainly set up in a way that would allow for it and if things fall into place there will come a time when this is just another story we tell.

It is not impossible or unlikely for that to happen, but I can’t listen to stupid comments like have a good attitude.

Hope is not a strategy or a tactic.

I want more information so that we can develop a plan and the lack of that is what is truly grinding at me because not knowing leaves me wondering.

My imagination is exceptional and sometimes that can be an asset, but it can also be a challenge.

I stood under a cloudy sky and looked for stars and thought about how very lucky I have been and how much life I have lived.

Tried to melt the clouds with a hard glare because I knew the answer I want and need is out there but the clouds didn’t break and the angels didn’t find me.

Wandered around for a few minutes and swore I heard someone say “this won’t break you” and smiled because it won’t.

But it is knocking chips and pieces off of me and that is impossible to ignore.

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart.