Love

Does True Love Ever Really Die

March 10, 2008 by Jack Steiner 1 Comment

“It was just puppy love, their parents promised.

As the years passed, Bob found a wife. And Sue found a husband. They built careers and raised kids. Bob wound up retired in San Clemente. Sue wound up retired in Iowa.

And that might have been how this story ended. Except that in early 2003, Sue’s cousin Maureen Paulson tracked Bob down through Classmates.com. She had some bad news: Mike Kilkelly, Maureen’s high school sweetheart and Bob’s old buddy, had been killed in a car wreck. Maureen and Mike used to double date with Bob and Sue.

Bob sent an email back, confiding that his wife of 24 years, Lucie, had died of cancer a few months before. In fact he was heading back to Bayport in a few weekends to find some comfort in a visit with his sister and 97-year-old mother. Maybe they could meet for lunch?”

For the full story click here.

The Relationship Is Over- When Do You Say Goodbye

February 15, 2008 by Jack Steiner 6 Comments

A buddy of mine just finished getting divorced. Last Thursday they signed the final docs and now he is officially single again.

Over the course of an evening he talked about his marriage and what happened. He shared some of his hopes and dreams and explained how surprised he was that things didn’t work out between them.

He said that the split was bittersweet and that though he was happier not to be wed to her, a part of him was still sad. I told him that what he was saying made sense and reassured him that he had done the right thing.

I don’t know if it helped him but I hope that it did. One thing really stood out during our talk and that was the question of knowing when to walk away. How do you determine that you are not going through a phase. When do you decide that you cannot salvage things. When do you say goodbye and walk away.

It is a hard question to answer. I am not sure that I really know, but it is something that I am mulling over.

Does Love Last?

July 30, 2007 by Jack Steiner 9 Comments

After I wrote about my grandparents 73rd wedding anniversary I received some feedback from some bloggers who weren’t convinced that people can be madly in love for that long. They said that at some point in time love dies or changes and just becomes friendship.

I haven’t provided a serious response to any of them because I have been trying to decide how I want to approach this topic. Love is a complicated beast and it deserves something more than throwing mud at the wall to see what sticks. At least my initial thought was to try and compose something that was based upon more than just anecdotal evidence and personal experience.

It was a good idea and I even had the beginning of a reference to use. The LA Times is running an article today called This is your brain on love. “When you’re attracted to someone, is your gray matter talking sense — or just hooked? Scientists take a rational look.”

But like so many things in life the plan has changed, courtesy of my BIL whose timing and driving ability are less than impeccable.

So I’ll roll with the punches and ask you a general question:

Does Love Last?

P.S. This will likely be edited or updated so feel free to check back in.

First Update: In A Story of Two Souls I wrote about a couple who fell in both love and lust. So lets add that to the mix. Do love and lust last forever? Can they last forever? It sounds a bit adolescent, but I am curious to hear you thoughts.

Love That Takes Your Breath Away

January 7, 2005 by Jack Steiner 11 Comments

During the last week or so I have seen a number of posts by women that ask if men have emotions. They question whether we are feeling and I have an answer for them. We express ourselves differently than women do, the lack of tears is not always indicative of a lack of pain.

From a young age we are taught to be tough, to try and hide our emotions and that is often what we do. You learn that if someone tells you that are acting like a woman it is not a compliment.

And fwiw, it is not unusual for women to expect us to act like the traditional male. I know a number of women who say that they want a 21st century man, who is kind and gentle and in touch with their feelings. But some of them will also to admit to wanting a man who fits the stereotype, at least in a number of ways. They want a man who is decisive, who is willing to lead and tell them what to do.

Not tell them in the way of making them less than equal partners, but one who is strong enough to say “this is how we are going do it” and then set out to do it. They have expressed comments that they want to be “taken” in the bedroom. As one of my friends said to me, “I want him to be a man. Don’t hold back, be a man.”

Now I don’t expect women to be monolithic in their views on anything, anymore than I would for men. But what I do know is that I hear and see mixed messages coming from women. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Within my group of male friends I am willing to lay money down that if you asked them what they want from a girlfriend/wife they will essentially say that they are looking for a smart, beautiful woman who is sexy and interested in taking care of them.

And while they may not phrase it this way I am willing to bet that they are all searching for a love that takes your breath away. We want to feel chills, short of breath and dizzy because of the love we have for our women. We want a woman who makes us happy just holding hands as well as a woman who makes us fight to restrain ripping her clothes off of her.

That intensity you feel from real love is a goal and a desire. Believe me, lots of men have it.

And while I am preaching allow me to say to the single men out there, women are much less complex than you think they are. Get inside her head and her heart. Make her laugh, make her smile, make her feel secure and loved and you will get back more than you give.