People

Work is the reason why I am living by myself again.

In theory it will be like this for close to a year or so but you never know for certain.

Life has a way of making your well-laid plans look a little less well laid and well thought out so it is possible this could be shorter or longer.

Don’t mistake that for having been said with a frown or tears because it wasn’t, there is a lot of joy and optimism behind it all.

I worked my ass off to put myself in this position and I am thrilled that things are going as they are and my fingers are crossed that they continue because of the benefits it provides my family.

This is the first time in years I can say I feel like I am providing for my kids the way I want to and the first time I have had such optimism in far too long.

Why wouldn’t I be happy and or excited.

You Ought To Comment

Steiner the minor has developed a bad habit of not acknowledging the texts or emails he receives from people.

I told him I don’t like this habit because it is rude and obnoxious and it is a good way to lose friends.

He told me it is common behavior so I compared notes with some friends and discovered it seems to be the truth.

I shouldn’t be surprised because parents seem to have trouble RSVP’ing for parties so why should I expect different behavior from their children.

We have been building a world in which we live in electronic bubbles where we point, click, slide and text our way into and out of conversations with others.

I won’t say I am not part of this society or don’t share any responsibility for any of this.

Nor will I say this is the first time I have noticed this because it is not, but it feels different to me now.

Maybe it is because I am walking around a new city and I realize what impact technology has had on my life.

*****

Thanks to social media and texting I don’t talk to people with the same frequency I used to.

Why call when Facebook has shown me the latest moments in their lives and or a quick text lets me know they are thinking of me or me of them.

If I was in LA I’d think about getting together and maybe put it off because I figure it is easy for us to get together for a few.

Yeah we’re busy, but we can find time, if we chose to that is.

Now I am 1,500 miles away so the in person stuff isn’t so easy but social media and texting makes it feel like I am right there.

It is almost like nothing has changed, especially when you hit the same chain of markets and stores here as you’d find there.

Homogeneity at its finest.

Steiner the minor called me this afternoon to share big news with me.

“Dad, I got in. I am going to start taking classes next semester.”

It is too bad he couldn’t have seen me smile because the grin on my face would have made that old Cheshire cat feel like a fake and a phony.

“I am so very proud of you, all the hard work is worth it. Good things happen when you put your mind to it, this is just one of many big accomplishments in your life.”

“Thank you, I wanted to tell you in person but I didn’t know when you would be coming back.”

I told him it was ok, and he took a moment confirm he was on Bluetooth. When I said I was he asked me how many miles I had put in and I said it would be around 400 or so today.

“You should be proud of yourself, I can guarantee your family is.”

“I am proud of myself.”

And with those five words I was transported back in time, the high schooler shrank four feet and 13 years.

Giving It The Old College Try

I remember encouraging the baby who figured out how to stand to keep going. I remember how he would cruise around the house and how one day he was so engrossed in walking and learning about the world he forgot he wasn’t holding onto anything.

“Go little Jack! You can do it, walk to me.”

We held out our arms and though he didn’t make it the whole way standing it didn’t take long for him to figure it out.

Hell, once he stopped crawling and went vertical it took no time to move from a couple of steps at a time to a sprint from one place to another.

“Be proud of yourself! You worked hard for it.”

The baby toddler and boy heard that more than a few times because there was reason for him and for us to be proud.

And as he grew bigger and older he also heard us tell him that you didn’t get to be proud for nothing, you had to work for it and you had to earn it.

It wasn’t until he was having a hard time in middle school that there was a reason for me to let him in on the secret that your parents are always proud of you, some times more than others.

Somewhere during those years I think he heard me describe putting an effort into doing something as “Giving it the old college try” but I never realized just how soon that would refer to him going to college.

High School & The College Experience

I don’t know how long it took for the smile to disappear from my face. Can’t say whether it was a minute or an hour after his call.

What I do know is I replayed his words about having gotten into the program over in my head and thought about what it meant.

He is halfway through his freshman year of high school but in a very short time his freshman workload will include a couple of college classes.

When he started at the school I knew this program existed and that some of the students graduate high school with enough college credits to enter as sophomores and juniors but I don’t know that I really imagined he might be one of them.

And then I started thinking hard about what I want him to get out of high school and college. I started thinking about the experiences that he might have and the opportunities that could come from both and tried to figure out if this program helps or hinders it.

It’s A Good Thing

The bottom line is getting into the program is a good thing, at least as I understand it.

Ask me why I am concerned about an honors student being recognized for their hard work and being given additional opportunities to excel and I’ll tell you that I want there to be some kind of balance here.

What that means is I don’t want him to be so overloaded with work he doesn’t have time to be a kid and do other things.

The Cross Country team has been a great experience for him. He loves it and as long as he does I want him to continue.

Not just because I think there are valuable lessons that come with being part of a team but because running is a sport you can do your whole life.

You don’t need a ball or other people to do it.

It is a way to exercise and stay in shape. It is a way to disconnect from the electronic bubble that so many of us live in and to get outside and feel the sun on your/our backs.

I want him to have time to hang out with friends and do the kind of stuff you, I, we did in high school. It shouldn’t be all work and no fun.

But if I understand the way this program works it doesn’t have to be crazy/busy burden time. It can be something that helps foster his love of learning and challenges him.

And if for some reason it doesn’t work, well we can always dial things back.

I am so very proud and so excited for him.

The news today reminded me again how fast the clock moves and how brief a moment our children live with us.

Sometimes it feels like forever and then sometimes things happen that remind you how quickly time is compressed into then and now.

The toddler is long gone and so is the little boy. Now the teen stands before us.

There is still time before he heads off into the world on his own, long enough to be noticeable but short enough to be recognized.

I’ll take whatever time we have and give it the old college try to be present and enjoy it, but damn, that sun in the sky above moves far too quickly.

Twenty some years ago I spent around ninety minutes or so of my day lifting weights and or playing basketball.

I was single and for reasons I can no longer remember decided I wanted 16 inch arms and the ability to bench press more than 300 pounds.

So each day I would hit the gym and run through my routine and push myself to hit these arbitrary goals I had set for myself.

Since I wasn’t gifted with grace but was supplied with lots of natural strength it didn’t take real long to reach a place where I started slinging some serious weight around.

Don’t ask me why, but I remember being particularly proud of being able to curl more than 130 pounds.

One day I was feeling particularly good so I banged out some extra sets and decided to hit the bench without any spotters.

I had heard that NFL players who could pump out several sets of 225 were considered to be serious athletes so I set myself up and started pumping out the reps and then surprised myself by almost dropping the bar on my chest.

Young And Dumb

Since I was afflicted with the dread disease known as young and dumb I didn’t have a spotter and tried to push myself beyond where I normally went.

Exhaustion hit sooner than anticipated which is part of why that bar almost came crashing down upon me.

A smarter man would have asked for help but pride didn’t let me so I lay there on the bench struggling to lift the bar up one more time.

Fortunately one of the men there saw me and ran over to give me a hand so I was able to put the bar back up on the bench and didn’t get hurt.

I was lucky that nothing bad happened.

That sort of thing wouldn’t happen to me in the gym today because I have learned to be far more aware of my limits and to set my pride aside…in the gym.

Do You Know How To Ask For Help?

If you read About Writers & Managing Expectations you know I have a series of stories floating around my head and that I want to move said stories from head to paper.

And if you read Of Fear and Failure you know I am in that in between space people sometimes occupy in life and that I am trying to use this time as a teaching moment for my children.

It is that spot where you know you are growing and changing and that you want to move your life from where it is into a new space that will suit you better.

But sometimes the hard part about those times is that you can’t always see the next rung so you reach blindly into the dark for where you think it is and hope that your fingers wrap around something solid because you’d rather not fall.

It is an exciting moment and one that reminds me a bit of the twenty something monster who could lift all that weight.

That guy didn’t ask for help because he liked figuring it out on his own and figured if he fell he’d just bounce back up.

This morning when I rolled out of bed and tried to shake off the last of the jet lag I realized that as much as I grown and changed in many ways I am still that kid.

Even though the body isn’t the same as it was the mind keeps telling me how much smarter I am than the kid and how much more clever.

Except the thing is, I am still not asking for help so I wonder if I have really learned anything at all.

It Is Like A Sculpture Or Painting

So I stood in the shower and thought about what I am trying to accomplish and decided that I am indeed smarter because I do know how to ask for help.

But sometimes the reason people don’t or at least the reason I haven’t is because I haven’t figured out what kind of help I really need.

I could give you basics. I could tell you that a million dollars would go a long way and it would.

It would solve a number of ‘problems’ and provide some additional ability to work on things that I don’t currently have.

But it wouldn’t necessarily touch the core issues.

It is a bit like a blank canvas or piece of rock that needs to be sculpted.

There is an image in my head that isn’t defined as well as it could be so asking for help is more challenging.

This isn’t a ‘Jack Steiner’ problem/challenge either.

This is a people problem/challenge.

It is a taking the time to determine and identify what you want so that you can figure out what you need to do to get it moment.

Or so I would argue because I would rather be the wise man who knows himself to be a fool than the fool who thinks he wise.