Random Thoughts

Do The Right Thing

March 13, 2009 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Most of us grow up in environments in which we are told to do the right thing. It is something that I remember hearing quite frequently. It stood alongside all sorts of phrases such as “you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders” and “leave the table.”

If you ask my middle sister she’ll tell you that I spent more dinners in my room than I did with the family. That is not how I remember it, but little sisters love to try and stick it to their older siblings.

Anyway the beauty of being an adult is that you find out that life can be very complicated and that doing the right thing is not always readily apparent. Sure, there are plenty of situations in which you can argue that there are only two choices, right and wrong. But the reality is that much of your everyday life falls into categories in which doing the right thing is better classified as taking an educated guess.

I suppose that I should mention that the genesis of this post stems from a conversation I had with a friend who is in the early stages of getting divorced. We have spent a lot of time talking about how it all happened. Went through the whole falling in love “I can’t spend enough time with you” to I don’t love you anymore “what was I thinking” bits.

Midway through he looked at me and asked me what I thought about all of it. He wanted to know if I had seen any signs that he was doing the wrong thing. I told him that I hadn’t seen anything that made me wonder about her. However I refrained from telling him that the boys and I agree that after they got married she changed. No point in adding that.

Anyway as we went back and forth about it all I told him that I don’t advise beating yourself up over the past. Â It is really easy to look back and see the mistakes we made and hard to look forward and anticipate all of those that we will make.

When I look at my own life I see lots of crossroads and I’ll readily admit that I am not always good about taking my own advice. I won’t say that I cringe over all of my decisions, but there are a few that I really wonder about. Every now and then I ask myself what would have happened if I had taken that other turn. What if I had refused to do XYZ or had decided to move out of state.

Would my life be different? Yes, it certainly would be. But would it be better? Well that is a much harder answer to give.

And now that I find myself looking at another big birthday I do wonder about some things. I do ask myself if I should make some big moves now to shake things up a bit. I believe in second chances. I believe that it is never really too late to start over.

I believe those things because I have to. I can’t accept a life that doesn’t offer that. When I look at what is happening in the world and the impact of the economy on my life I wonder if now isn’t the perfect time to take a leap into the great unknown. It is really hard to say what will happen. One decision has so much influence on so many other things.

But it could make life so much better. It could be the difference between being satisfied and fulfilled or just kind of getting through the day. Or maybe not.

The point is that it is not all that clear cut. But whatever happens I’ll try hard to do the right thing.

Stop Breaking My Sprinklers

February 18, 2009 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

I am relatively certain that my gardener is not reading my blog, but on the off chance that he is I’d like to ask him to stop breaking my sprinklers. Not only does it cost me money to buy replacement speakers it costs time.

And that my friends irritates the hell out of me. My time is far too valuable to have to spend on repairing and replacing sprinkler heads each week. If he keeps this up I may break down and buy a lawnmower and he’ll be out of a job.

A World Without Chocolate?

February 15, 2009 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Oops, sounds like someone is trying to kill The Shmata Queen. ABC reports:

It’s hard to imagine Valentine’s Day without chocolate, but some scientists say that it’s possible that chocolate could one day be in short supply.

What would the world be like without this decadent, delectable and divine dessert?

If you read the rest of the article it suggests that there is a potential sustainability issue for cacao. I am not an expert on any of this, but what I read sounds plausible. Perhaps now would be a good time to change professions and dedicate myself to becoming a “Green” Willie Wonka.

Life Is Too Short

February 9, 2009 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

I love music. It is one of the great joys of my life. Music is a source of infinite wisdom. It is joy and it is sorrow. It enriches my life. Sometimes I stumble onto certain songs and find that I play them over and over because something in them touches me.

Wake Up by Arcade Fire has something in it that grabs me, but I haven’t quite put my finger on it. The chorus in which everyone sings together reminds me a bit of walking to the Kotel just before Shabbos begins. As you walk through the quarter you can hear the hum of people davening.

For those who can’t relate try to imagine being at a concert where thousands of people sing along. There is an electricity, an energy that you can feel. It is intense. Music tells a story and I love stories and that really leads to the main topic of this post. I want to live far longer than I am going to.

The Shmata Queen have endless discussions about life and what happens when you die. We debate and argue about what comes next, if anything. She has death issues and so do I, but they’re different.

In December of 2005 I wrote a post called Eternal Life in which I touched upon my desire to live long enough to learn and master many skills. That really hasn’t changed. In fact in some ways it has grown stronger. As I become more conscious of my own mortality and more interested in ensuring that I truly live my life I find myself feeling a bit crazed.

There are so many things that I want to do. There are so many places to visit and so many skills to master. How can I possibly do it all within this lifespan and how can I do it at a lesiurely place so that I might enjoy it all.

Oftentimes when I look back at old posts I find myself cringing because I feel like I missed the mark. I look at it and think that the writing is too rough, too choppy, too whatever. But sometimes I look back and I find that I can still tie into whatever I felt that day. Sometimes I look back and I see that I have changed.

This time I don’t see any profound changes. I still want to master all the skills that I listed there and more. It would be nice to become a doctor and a scientist. It would be fantastic to have a chance to become a history teacher and an archeologist. I can add several more items to the list without even trying hard.

Given the time there are a lot of things to do like revisit and rework old posts like Jewish Sex- Between The Sheets. Ok, that I could do. I really could go back and I suppose that sometimes I do. But let’s not get too far afield.

It is well understood that it I could dramatically increase my lifespan I would. And if I could turn back time I would. If I had the power I’d change certain things. Maybe I’d fix it so that I spent that time in Israel or maybe I would have been in that dorm at Indiana, who knows.

I have to focus on what I can do. I have to focus on what makes me happy. I have to focus on what drives me, the things and people that make my heart pound. I have to focus on doing those things that make life exciting. And I am doing that.

Clarification for those who are interested. I do not believe that life is always about excitement. No matter how good it may be there are moments in which it is going to be dull, boring and unpleasant. Understood and accepted.

But that doesn’t have to be the primary thing nor does it have to define me.

I believe that you can always reinvent yourself and I believe that some dreams can become your reality. All it takes is a will to find the way.

Now if only I had a thousand years I could do so much more. I guess that I can settle for another 90 or so.

It is The Middle of the Night

January 30, 2009 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

It is the middle of the night and I suddenly find myself awake. I fell asleep on the couch and apparently no one managed to cover me with a blanket. Can’t say that I totally blame them as the children seem to have run off with all of the spares.

Makes me think that just as I have an auto club card I should have a blanket club card that I can call when I am in need. It would be nice to have some sort of service like that. Maybe it would help prevent me from waking up in a foul mood.

I am cold, my leg has a cramp and my back hurts from sleeping in some sort of fetal position. What the hell. I spent nine months curled into a ball. Shouldn’t there be some sort of rule that says my body should automatically remember those days and consequently I should be exempt from cramps and discomfort.

Woke up having had a dream about my best friend, an irritating dream in which I was given some sort of stupid, illogical and unreasonable answer about an argument. Can’t say that I quite remember what it was about, but suffice it to say that I am right. Oh yes, I am right.

Going to try and go back to sleep now. In fact had I not noticed that the computer was still on I would have gone straight to sleep. I probably should have, but I am awake and irritated so I took a moment to try and vent.

I hate waking up like this. With any luck I’ll fall asleep without any sort of struggle and have the sort of dream that you never want to wake up from. But if I can’t or don’t you’ll probably hear about it.

A Good Father

January 28, 2009 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

The beauty of attending a reunion like I did is that it forces you to look at your life and think about what it is that you are doing. Because when you run around a room telling people from your past about your present you have your nose pushed right into a pile of life.

I spent a chunk of time Saturday night listening to people spin tales about who they are and what they do. I am not trying to say that people were lying or embellishing the truth, but in many cases that is exactly what they did.

Some of the people that we thought of as being goofballs or least likely to succeed are incredibly successful now. And some of those we expected to be a huge succeess were not. It is not easy to look some of them in the eye and tell a story about a life that hasn’t lived up to what you wanted. It is even harder when you listen to someone shout with such exuberance about how things are better than they ever could have imagined.

Now it is no secret that the last four years have been harder for me than I would have ever expected. I have faced some challenges that I couldn’t have foreseen. I have dealt with unfair situations and circumstances and done the best that I could. Sometimes I fell down. Sometimes I simply failed.

But there were other moments when I didn’t. There were moments when I succeeded in spite of the stumbling blocks that were set before me. I’d like to say that there were more succcesses than failures, but I am not completely sure that it is so.

What I can say is that these experiences have provided a sort of hard scrabble education. I have learned things about myself that will inevitably help me. I have stood in the fire and watched the flames burn me. I know, it is bit melodramatic but it is how I feel.

It has also helped to clarify not just what I want, but what I need. And that is something that some people never quiet figure out. I can tell you what I want with a lot of detail and know that it is accurate. I can also tell you that I am working to achieve those goals and that I am doing my best to do it without wreaking havoc everywhere.

If you want to know how this applies to being a good father, well I can give you a number of explanations. I am a good father. I work hard for my family and do a lot to give the children a great life. But I can do better. I am falling short in some areas. There are some things that I can improve at and I am working on it.

I can tell you that I believe that my children are going to be able to look at my life and learn a lot from it. They’ll be able to see that I have made a lot of mistakes but that I have also made a lot of smart moves.

If all goes as I hope it will those lessons will serve them well. One of the most important lessons is how to keep going when it feels like the world is collapsing. It is something that I saw with my parents and something that I hope that I can pass along.

When it is all said and done I think that the most important part of being a good father is giving your children the tools to live a good life. If I can do that then I am fairly confident that they’ll make good choices, at least I hope so.

I won’t be defined solely by the deeds and actions of my children, but I do hope that when I am gone they have nothing but fond memories of me as having been a good father.