The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Travel

Traveling Jack’s Plane Made It

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I am pleased to say that my unscheduled trip to Dallas was quite successful. I am even more pleased to say that my plane did not crash. If you had a chance to check out this post you’ll see that my kids were a bit concerned about this. Ok, I was minorly concerned about it as well, but not so much.

Did my usual father bit with them, flashed them a big smile, hugged and reassured them and even said Tefilat Ha-Derech with them, although it most assuredly wasn’t done from inside of a tank. And might I add that some days I’d like to have my own tank to drive around town in. The mileage isn’t great, but it does wonders for solving road rage for other drivers. No one wants to get in a fight with the guy that can crush your car.

Anyhoo, the flight out there wasn’t too bad, but that is probably due to the time of departure. It left at 7 AM which meant that I had to get up at the ungodly hour of 4 something am. Throughout my adult life I have tried to make a point of never being awake at that particular time unless I happened to be coming home from a night out on the town.

In this case the early morning played to my advantage as I was able to enjoy the comfort of the last four rows to myself. Unfortunately something I consumed the day before decided to play with me so I found myself traversing the seven feet between my seat and the closet they call a bathroom more times than I care to remember.

If ever I need to find a way to make myself feel like a I am physically imposing I only need step into an airplane bathroom. My shoulders extend from one side to the other and my knees scrape the door. Surely there is no more luxurious way to enjoy a call of nature than to do so from the midst of an undersized closet in a flying tin can.

The trip from here to there was relatively short so the joy of the plane ride was short lived. Once again I got a kick out of the rental car agent telling me to be careful of the traffic and to watch the heat. Clearly they haven’t spent much time in paradise.

There is a lot more that could be shared but I’ll do you all a favor and cover some of the highlights. Sunday was a long day. As I mentioned I woke up rather early, hopped on the plane, grabbed a car and then drove about 150 miles or so.

On my way back to the hotel the GPS quit so I had to fumble around a bit to get back to the hotel. Finally made it and then discovered that the key to my room wasn’t working. Sooooooooo, I trudged back down to the front desk and spoke with a very nice man who I couldn’t understand.

I could have sworn he said Everybody Wang Chung Tonight. It took great effort not to try and reply with some attempt at wit. I was pretty tired and I swear that it sounded like he said it. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was giving me the first part of an ’80s password. Should I have replied with something like Brat Pack, Duran Duran or maybe Kajagoogoo.

I don’t know.

This morning I enjoyed a fabulous 12 course breakfast meal that was prepared by the Shmata Queen. Yes folks, she lives, even if she doesn’t blog any longer. And it was my good fortune not to be poisoned by the Texan temptresses culinary skills.

However I did find it all so entrancing that I almost managed to miss my flight. Just barely made it and I do mean barely. As I ran up to the gate I walked right onto the plane and found that I was seated behind a giant of a man. Nice fellow, kind of reminded me of Chicken from Survivor. Would have liked him better if he didn’t feel the need to put the seat back so far his Ten gallon hat was tickling my nose and the seat was across my lap.

He is lucky that I didn’t have a marker or black shoe polish or I might have had to try a few tricks out. He is probably more thankful that I didn’t fall asleep; because if I had I might have snored and or drooled in his ear. Now that is probably more information than any of you want, but I am a giving sort of fellow.

One last comment about Chicken. The man had terrible gas. It was so bad I was tempted to open the emergency row door, if for no other reason than to have the sanctuary of that fine yellow oxygen mask.

More later. Jack is out.

The Joys of Flying Commercial Airlines

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CNN has an article in which they offer tips for cranky passengers. Some of them are common sense type tips such as to make sure that you know your rights, pack light and prepare for the worst.

Well, I don’t know about you but I find it offensive to be told to prepare for the worse. It may be practical, it may be sensible, but it irritates the heck out of me to think that I need to do so.

The airlines continue to cry about being impoverished all the while they cut back on the things that you used to be able to count upon. Food, pillows, blankets and space seem to disappear but the price continues to go up.

I remember when flying used to be fun. It used to be quite enjoyable, but not I see it as having become quite the chore. Something isn’t right about this. There has to be a better way to do things. There has to be something that can be done.

Stop telling me that fuel and security have made it what it is. I wasn’t the CEO of the airlines that were hijacked and used as flying bombs. It wasn’t my responsibility to ensure that my crew and passengers were safe.

It wasn’t my responsibility to see that we ran things smartly. It is not my responsibility to see that customer service is more than a pipe dream.

^$*&U^$$#%U&^$U*^$U*& is what I have to say to all that.

For those who are interested here are some related links.

Cruising At 34,000 Feet
All My Bags Are Packed
Airplane Trouble? Kill a Goat
Flying The Unfriendly Skies
Crying Child Forces Family From Plane
The Land of Lost Luggage

10 Legendary Trips You Can Still Take

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Forbes Travel has a list of adventures that I plan to take on.

Historic journeys from the Silk Road to the
Orient Express

With high-speed trains, fast cars and jumbo jets that can whisk us across time zones in a matter of hours, getting from point A to point B has never been easier (though we all know it’s not hassle-free). But with so much time saved comes the loss of something else—the idea that sometimes the journey is the destination itself. And there’s no better way to partake in what’s called “slow travel” than by doing it on a historic route.

With several notable treks, two-lane historic highways, and slow train lines from which to choose, where does one begin?

The granddaddy of all historic routes is, of course, the Silk Road, the famed network of old trading routes that connected China to the Mediterranean. Most 21st-century travelers don’t take the entire route, but do it in portions. That’s what longtime travel editor and writer Don George did. He trekked it through Pakistan and said it was one of the grandest trips of his life. “What could be more stirring than walking in the footsteps of Marco Polo and viewing ways of life that have changed little since his time?” says George, who runs the literary travel websites Don’s Place and Recce.

Another highly recommended route comes from writer Tony Perrottet: the Athens-to-Olympia pagan pilgrimage path. “I’d advise driving it,” says Perrottet, who made the journey for his book about the origins of the Olympic Games, The Naked Olympics. Ancient Greeks would make the pilgrimage to Mt. Olympus just before the Olympics. “You end up in the mountains of Arcadia,” says Perrottet, “which are filled with shepherds and medieval monasteries—it’s a very magical place.”

For thousands of years, travelers have also been lured to the magic of the Nile River. The slow moving waterway makes the perfect venue for viewing ancient Egyptian wonders. According to Perrottet, the Romans were fascinated with cruising down the Nile, as were the 19th-century Victorian-era British who’d stop to gawk at the pyramids and mummies. Today, travelers can still cruise down the Nile, just like their British and Roman predecessors did.

For the full tale please click here.