Writing

My daughter asked me to tell her about every girlfriend I have ever had and to focus on the ones who broke my heart.

I laughed and told her I didn’t know how many girlfriends I have had nor did I have any idea how many had broken my heart.

Confession: I lied about some of those things.

I have a general idea about how many girlfriends I have had and I know who broke my heart and who didn’t but she doesn’t need to know those things right now.

Maybe later, maybe never.

At just a few minutes before bedtime I wasn’t interested in getting into a conversation that I knew would send her mind racing off to a million other questions that would keep her from falling asleep.

There are boundaries in blogging and boundaries in general storytelling.

Stop Worrying About Your Readers

Once when I was in sales another salesmen told me he didn’t understand why I didn’t adopt a “customer is always right” approach and suggested I could sell more if I gave them what they wanted and didn’t worry about what they needed.

If my daughter were older and I felt like being transparent with her about some of my dating history I would tell her that some of the women I dated got what they wanted to hear because it got me what I needed.

It is not something I am proud of but when I was a younger man I didn’t always date the woman I needed and so I went after the one I wanted.

Those relationships rarely lasted very long because I never let myself open up to get what I really needed and consequently I just got what I wanted.

As you might imagine the few who broke old Jack’s heart covered both what I wanted and what I needed. If I opened myself up to possibility I often stumbled into opportunity.

Sometimes that led to heartbreak but it always led to growth too.

I think somewhere in between or after heartbreak and lots of living I figured out that I was always happier when I focused on what I needed and not what I wanted.

Can’t say when I adopted that approach as a sales technique but I found it to be effective because if I understood what the customer needed I could serve them better as a trusted advisor than a salesman who said yes to whatever they asked.

And that is part of why I stopped worrying about what my readers need.

Niche Bloggers, Cars & Tech

My car is 15 years old and I am about ready to replace it.

Sometimes I wonder how some bloggers get gigs where they are given a car to drive for a while.

I know the car manufacturers hope it leads to a post in which the blogger praises the car and recommends it to their readers.

And I know bloggers who have done it but I have never reached out and asked them for details or help. Heck, in eleven years of blogging I have spoken to two PR folks from two different car companies but it never led to being given a car to drive or any of the experiences other bloggers have done.

The obvious response to this is to ask why I haven’t done more to try and change this. If my kids approached me about a similar situation I’d ask them if it made sense to sit idly by and hope that someone approached them or if it made more sense to be proactive in their approach.

Might be nice to get a car I am thinking about buying for a weekend in exchange for a post. Would make it easier to figure out what I want, now wouldn’t it.

And then I think about all of the cool tech that is out there and how I could be one of the bloggers that gets a chance to use and review it.

Might be nice to get my hands on some of that tech and write about it. Might offer a chance to carve out a new role and maybe even a cool career.

Maybe I should rethink my approach and become a niche blogger.

Why I Don’t Worry About My Readers

There are more than 983,883,993 blogs out there or at least that is what it feels like to me.

I do my best not to succumb to blog envy and get irritated by those that are more successful but provide inferior content.

Can’t say that I am always successful but most of the time I am. And most of the time I am happiest when I just write from my heart and share whatever comes from my head…within limits of course.

I could adjust my focus and spend my time trying to give people what they want. I could focus on my stats and write solely about the biggest traffic generators.

I could spend more time trying to drive traffic by writing about current events including the controversial stuff like religion and marriage and be confident that it would increase the number of readers here.

I know that it works because I have done it but it is just not as interesting to me as it used to be.

What I write about are the things that touch me now. Does that mean I still giving people what they need and not what they want?

Probably not, but no one has to pay to read this so those of you who are hanging out are here because you choose and or want to be.

And that is why I don’t worry about my readers. You’ll keep coming as long as it serves you and the best way to serve you is for me to be engaged in my writing.

I think that is a win-win.

What about you?

Dear Stephen,

What is new in your world brother?

I don’t think I have reached out since I wrote Dear Stephen King or maybe it was A Conversation With Stephen King and it is not because I haven’t thought about you because I have.

But man you have to understand that when people don’t treat me well, act inconsistently or ignore me I notice and sometimes I respond in kind.

Sometimes my thick skin isn’t quite as thick as it could be but most days I am too busy to spend time wondering or worrying if my friends are really my friends or if they are treating me the way they should.

And even if I wasn’t the girl drama I hear from my daughter and her school friends is enough to wear me out.

Ok, I don’t know if it is all drama but girls are so very different from boys. I think it is because we tend to be more direct.

If a boy/man doesn’t like you there is usually no question about it. We don’t need to analyze what was said, how or with whom.

That is not to say we don’t have our own shit to deal with or never create our own form of chaos because we do but it is easier for me to understand so there is that.

Would Stephen King Be A Good Dad Blogger?

Someone once asked me if you could do what I do and I laughed because to me it seems like a ridiculous question.

The hardest part of blogging is sitting down and putting pen to paper. It is taking the time to share stories about parenting in a way that makes it possible for people to relate to.

It is figuring out how to share stories about dealing with mean girls, school stuff, summer camp, diapers, teenagers, summer camp, questions about life and all sorts of other crap for the long haul and not just for a couple of months.

So I figure an author who knows how to write stories that are turned into books and movies has not only the writing chops needed to succeed here as well as the temperament that will help you sustain your effort.

That sustain your effort bit is something I have always wanted to speak with you about because I am curious to hear your take on how your ensure that the well of ideas never runs dry.

Blogging Is a Funny Sort Of Animal

A friend of mine read a post I wrote about blogging called If You Write It They Will Come and said he thought I made it sound far more difficult than it is.

I must have scrunched up my face when he said it because he told me he was sure it was much easier to get readers than I made it sound.

When I told him he was fooling himself if he thought he could put links to his posts on Facebook and that all of his friends and family would read them he said I was being negative.

I politely told him he needed to remove his cranium from his rectum and take a more honest approach to what might happen but he thought I was being a jerk and told me to stop deluding myself.

I said I would be happy to let it go but reminded him that sometimes those who accuse others of being deluded suffer from the same disease they think others have.

The whole thing reminded me of some conversations I have had with my kids where they have tried to convince me that my experience as a student isn’t as relevant as I make it sound because I have been out of school for so many years now.

That always leads to my saying “you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders” and some eye rolling on their part.

It also reminds me of how my friend pointed out some blogs that are relatively young that appear to have great success.

The kids can always point out something that is different between now and then but it is never significant enough to make me agree that the differences are too big for me to relate to.

I had good teachers and bad, homework, tests, finals and had to deal with all of the same kinds of people they do now.

Perspective Is A Funny Thing

I have to tell you Stephen that I would definitely ask you about perspective and how you develop your characters. I want to talk about how you create them and what kind of method you use to give your creation…life.

When I write fiction I always use an amalgamation of people I know as part of the foundation of the character and just work from there.

Sometimes I make a point to create some that I dislike because life is filled with all kinds of people and I won’t limit my tales to only heroes who only save the day.

That is because sometimes heroes fail and the happy ending they would have brought about never happens.

Oh Stephen, did I mention I have often wondered what life was like when your kids were little.

If they came to you and said they had a nightmare did you listen to their story and think to yourself, “that is not scary at all” and then want to tell them a scary tale so they would know the difference.

I kind of pictured something like, “Dad, I had a dream that some kids and their dogs were chasing me.”

You always respond with a comment about whether they came from the Pet Cemetery and were joined a clown driving a classic car with a rabid dog in the front seat.

I don’t get scared easily, but even that might make me think twice about being alone in the dark.

Happy Father’s Day Stephen

Since you never responded to the last post or two I am going to guess you probably won’t comment here or email either.

That’s ok with me, I understand what it means to be busy so I’ll just wish you a Happy Father’s Day and say if you ever do think about becoming a dad blogger or even just a regular blogger and want to talk shop you know how to reach me.

I don’t know about you but I am a learn-by-doing kind of guy. If I watch you do something a few times I’ll probably pick it up, but I am rarely satisfied unless I try doing it myself.

Don’t know if it is because of an independent streak that makes me prefer not to rely upon others or an inquisitive nature that pushes me to find out how things work and to explore what happens when I push the envelope.

Whatever it is that combination is probably to blame for the number of times I have blown up the blog or created issues for myself by messing around with plugins and design without always knowing what I was doing.

It is definitely played a significant role in my finding a way to accidentally turn off the RSS feed here for a significant chunk of time.

Or in other words it was an excellent way to try and kill some of the traffic here.

Had it not been for messages from some of the readers who wondered if I had finally given on blogging I still might not be aware that technical difficulties were impacting things here.

Another Social Media Experiment

In an effort to avoid taking that kind of hit again I am going to request that you consider subscribing to the blog. You can do so by using the subscribe bar that lies under the word discussion or by clicking on the large link in bold below:

Never miss one of my posts by subscribing to me on Feedio.

There is no obligation to do so nor any promise of rewards for doing so other than the opportunity to stay in the know about what is going on here.

If that works for you that is great and if it doesn’t that is cool too. I have told more than a few people no one is obligated to read anything I write nor am I obligated to explain your misunderstanding anything I have written.

Why Are You Grumpy Jack?

I am glad you asked. I am irritated with the misbehavior, misunderstanding, mischaracterization and mishegoss that some people have forced me to deal with.

I am irritated with some people trying to apply their perspectives, fear and uncertainty upon me.

I am frustrated with having to deal with a bunch of unnecessary crap from people who think they have more influence over my choices and decisions than they do.

That being said I follow the same advice I give my children as outlined in the Emerson quote above.

Confession: A few hours ago circumstances proved to me that I am indeed not 20 anymore.

A disagreement with someone infuriated me and there was a moment where the idea of tearing the doors off of the hinges and putting my fist through every wall I could find sounded like a good idea.

The difference between then and now was I took a deep breath and thought about a saying I read on Pinterest, Not My Monkeys, Not My Circus.

And then I thought about that Emerson quote above and decided it was my choice to give them the power to irk me and I could take it back.

Does that mean I wasn’t angry or hurt anymore?

No, because I was but I didn’t have to react or do anything stupid.

Instead, I chose to set it aside and think about what bothered me about it and then I could decide if it merited more attention.

Why Do People Follow You On Social Media?

The obvious reasons are because you educate, inform and or entertain them.

There are lots of different ways to do that but this post isn’t about any one of them. This post is just me sharing some thoughts and ideas with you.

It is me saying that sometimes I think the misunderstandings between people occur because of a communication breakdown.

Sometimes we get frustrated because we feel like our words are intentionally twisted or because we feel like we have been lied to.

I tend to think the truth might lie somewhere in between those two points and that maybe if the parties got a chance to really flesh things out they come to a place where they understood each other.

That might not mean they ever agree but they would at least feel like they had been heard. Sometimes that is all people really need.

The more I read online the more I think the reason some of us are out here writing is because it is the only place we feel like we are heard.

Did I mention:

Never miss one of my posts by subscribing to me on Feedio.

“A little talent is a good thing to have if you want to be a writer. But the only real requirement is the ability to remember every scar.”
― Stephen King

“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of. ”
― Joss Whedon

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath