The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Signs Of An Older Dad Blogger

I began this blogging journey as a man in my thirties and am now in my fifties. The toddler boy I used to write about is standing in the kitchen, 20 feet in front of me.

That toddler looks me in the eye and has a beard now.

He isn’t asking for help making breakfast, doesn’t need for me to grab things he can’t reach or for a ride to places he can’t get to because he has a car.

Doesn’t come to me for money because he has a job.

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The girl who calls me dad and refers to the toddler as her older brother is talking about what spring break plans she and her roommates are thinking about.

She says she’ll come home for a few days during winter break but I don’t expect to see much of her because she’ll be running around with girlfriends who have also come home in between semesters.

Probably will get a moment of attention when she needs the car keys and or wants to discuss something where dear old dad gets hit up for a dollar.

She is good about that as she has had a couple of jobs and done a good job of carrying her own weight as best a college student can.

So I don’t mind helping out, she is on her way.


Where Will The Tracks Lead?

It is a strange thing to be in this semi-empty nester place. Looking at these kids it is clear they are on their way and curiosity makes me wonder where the tracks ahead of them will lead.

Good places I hope. Places that don’t have too much of the unexpected and unusual curves and bumps that life throws at us.

Something weird will happen, some sort of challenge and they’ll met it or them as needed, of this much I am certain.

And me, well I wonder where my own tracks will lead as I don’t just feel change, I smell and sense it all around me.

Should be an interesting journey, a little anxious, but mostly excited.

Can’t complain or ask much more of it now can I.

Another Year Comes And Goes

Another year comes and goes isn’t quite accurate as we haven’t reached the end of 2022 but in my experience the time between Thanksgiving and December 31 moves at light speed.

Thought about it because I heard someone play The Hustle and it reminded me of being a kid at  a New Years party and being told I had to go to bed.

I was around seven or so and remember being angry because I was certain I was old enough to be up past midnight for a party.

Heck, there had been times when I had absolutely been up then so I had no understanding of what crazy logic my parents were using.

But I wanted time to move faster so that I could show them that I could stay up late and not be tired the next day.

It’s funny how slowly time goes as a kid because you only want it to go faster and as an adult it flies by but you wouldn’t mind if it slowed down.

Had all of my kids for Thanksgiving and got an excited call from my middle sister who told me that her oldest was able to take time off from the new job to go to her table.

I told her to say hi for me and to appreciate that he had driven through three states to get to her and then laughed because that still sounds ridiculous to me.

Driving through three states that is, not that it can’t be done but if you can do it in a day those states are awfully small.


Hold On One More Day

Got some big stuff on tap this week and it’s chapping my hide that it is chapping my hide.

Really shouldn’t be any reason to be concerned because I will manage whatever comes my way, but something about it has me uneasy.

Probably irked because I know there are some big changes and I don’t know enough about them to start working out how to handle them.

You can equate this to why I dislike hurricanes much more than earthquakes.

I haven’t any problem accepting that Mother Nature can unload some pretty heavy stuff upon us but I hate the idea of watching and waiting for a hurricane to hit.

Reminds me a bit of when I was younger and I got into some fist fights. I hated the anticipation of whether it would hurt much when I got hit.

Always felt better after I had been bloodied because I knew what I was dealing with.

Earthquakes can be pretty damn scary sometimes but you don’t get to spend a week or part of a week walking on eggshells while you wonder if the beast is going to wallop you or give you a small kiss.

So I am focused now on holding on one more day so I can more accurately gauge and assess what needs to happen.

Anticipation is no fun.


Walt Was Right

I like what Walt had to say in the quote above, he was correct and I follow his advice.

Doesn’t hurt that it tends to fit my preferred way of living, now more than ever. As the years go by I get a bit crankier and more set in some of my ways.

Not all, I am not above changing if it makes sense, always open to better ways of doing things.

Made a point to talk to the kids about that at the Thanksgiving table. Told them what I am grateful for, told them a little bit about what scares me and what gives me hope.

Got more hope than fear, that is a good place to be.

Five Minutes After Midnight

It is five minutes after midnight and I just barely avoided breaking my neck over crap the family left in places you can only see with night vision or if the lights or on.

It more than pleases me to say I avoided both minor and major injuries to be here with you because that kind of crap doesn’t just go away.

The big injuries can leave lasting effects but so can the small ones that come with the little nagging things that stick around for far longer than you would like them to.

So color me grateful for having dodged that particular bullet especially as I discovered this evening that a certain noodle product from Costco hates me.

It was an unexpected and unpleasant discovery especially as I had no reason to consider this item to be something my wacky digestive system wouldn’t like.

Color me less than pleased but not with a real pen, marker or paint.


I Dare

Don’t think I did a particularly good job with that photo quote above but it works for now and provides an opportunity for me to answer the unspoken call to action in it.

I dare.

I am taking action to encourage fortune to favor me but I won’t write out precisely what I am doing here because I am mildly superstitious and there are boundaries in blogging.

You don’t need to know everything and given that updates here have been a little sporadic I might save material so that I can resume something more consistent.

I’ll also share that I am nervous about some of this, but mostly in a good way. If it goes as I hope it could be pretty darn good.

And if not, well I am not going to put much energy into that because I don’t want to borrow trouble or jinx myself.

Sometimes you just need to run and expect life to unfold as it should.

Told Steiner the minor that very thing tonight and laughed because I called him Steiner the minor and he made a face.

He is not a minor anymore, hasn’t been for a long while and neither is his little sister.

He told me I am old and that is why I forgot that he isn’t a minor. I disagreed with his assessment of my age, I don’t feel old and can confirm there are many far older.

But I concede I am not the young guy at the office anymore and haven’t been for a long time.

Not quite ready to retire, but far closer to that than to the beginning of my career. Now I listen to the guys who talk about shlepping their kids to soccer or ballet and smile at fond memories.

Sometimes You Can Feel Opportunity…Knock

Sometimes you think your life is going to go a particular way and then something happens that makes it clear that what you expected to happen won’t.

Those changes aren’t always easily read so you can’t determine whether the new direction is something to be excited or concerned about.

But sometimes there is a moment where you can smell changes in the air and gain a sense that something is about to happen.

And sometimes you can feel opportunity begin to stretch and warm up because it is about to…knock.

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Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

What Will Your Story Look Like?

I don’t know how to answer that question yet, but I suspect I will soon.

 

Blazing The Trail Again

Can’t tell you what set me off or when but the switch was flipped and so I am pulled out the armor and sword long enough for a quick check to confirm they will work as they are supposed to.

All looks good and even if I am a bit older and less agile than I once was there is no doubt about capabilities because even now I can still do all that is required.

Sometimes wisdom and experience are superior to the strength and energy of youth.

They enable you to be more strategic and cunning in your approach so that you don’t need to rely upon the same shock and awe of the past.

So we look at There Are No Coincidences and the second time it ran Warning: There Are No Coincidences and recognize the truth of what was said or should we say written.

It is time to unshackle ourselves from convention and standard expectations and run with the moon until we can’t run any more for the answers to our big questions are about to be resolved.

Summon the druid council and tell them to meet us at Stonehenge or wherever it is that the Northern Lights end.

Valhalla, Eden or wherever, the time is now.

The ‘Gifts’ Of Aging

Don’t have it in me to try and translate this song for you because it requires more than just providing lyrics in English.

It would be similar to asking me to tell you about Springsteen’s Born To Run, Marlowe’s Passionate Shepherd poem and what they mean to me.

We’re not talking about a report for an English class but the kind of intimate explanation you provide to someone you want to understand you on a deeper level.

And I am tired, physically and mentally.

Been carrying a load that I hadn’t realized was extra heavy and it has caught up with me. The funny thing about it is in so many ways life is really good now.

The work I have put in to make it go a certain way has paid off and I am 90 percent of the way or something close to it.

That is a good thing and I am grateful but now I have to take it off of my shoulders, this load and catch my breath because the last part of the journey is going to require even more.

Don’t doubt that I will make it but this pause is how I take a moment so that I can recharge my battery because it is going to take some grit to go the distance.

Probably part of why I have seen so many docs lately, I subconsciously knew this was coming and began to prepare for it.

The ‘Gifts’ Of Aging

One of my daughters best friends is walking the streets of Jerusalem now in a program far different than the one she is in here in the states.

She hears stories via Whatsapp and various methods that make the world a smaller place but she doesn’t know the world her friend is in the way I do.

Nor does she have the benefit of life experience to have similar expectations to mine and that is ok, she doesn’t need to.

I haven’t volunteered much and intend to stay silent because it is not my place to prognosticate about 18 year-olds and their dream.

Nor will I tell her about the people I know who went down similar paths and years later are divorced and far less religious than they were.

Not my world or my place, my focus is on other things.

Got a girl who scored higher than most of the class on her Chemistry test but is frustrated that she didn’t meet her own expectations.

Been talking to her about grit and remembering that she has been in college for all of five weeks. Her old man had a very different experience during the first five weeks but he was never as driven as she is in some areas.

Though I can say I was and am as driven in some areas as she has ever been. Her drive didn’t just materialize from nothing.


What The Docs Have Said

Overall the docs have said I am doing well and offered counsel for ways to do better. Still need to get back to my PCP to get that broader view of things but have refused to go in.

Why?

Because I want to be in better shape when I go and have been seeing progress. Overall I feel good but could feel far better.

I attribute some of that to frustration with particular areas of life. Once I get those fixed or at least adjusted I think I’ll stop carrying some of this weight and that will have a positive impact.

For now I am just working through it because I can’t wait for things to happen. Can’t say it is all contingent upon one thing or another.

So I am rollng with what I have got and doing what I can.

As I said above, things are pretty good overall so I am keeping my fingers corssed that I can maintain the momentum even as I deal with some of the brain damage life throws at us.

Maybe that is one of the gifts of aging, the knowledge tomorrow isn’t promised so we act upon it all today, whatever ‘all’ is.

 

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